Being true

Sleep deprivation has taken its toll.  Fifteen months now without a whole night of sleep, without sleeping in fact for more than 4 hours between wakes.

It feels relentless at times, more so with the relentless nature of life in the office at the moment.

I have noticed how it affects my ability to think, how my memory is definitely not what it used to be, how more impatient I have become with certain things, how I react more quickly when things do not seem to be going my way and how my mood is not always as uplifted as it can be - essentially I am aware how much more stressed I am.  It is interesting, because this is the very reason I started yoga in the first place and so it is quite strange to find myself back here.

But life is a series of cycles so that we do see/feel the same things again, although I always believe we gain more awareness each time until we make the changes and begin to create new cycles of being instead.

It is all about being honest with ourselves, which is so very easy to say and not so easy to do.  It reminds me a little of something my Reiki Master said to me shortly after I began Beinspired and was trying to find my way.  She urged me to be authentic and at the time I thought I was being.

But I wasn't really I see that now.  I was trying to be how I thought I should be as a yoga teacher, so that I kept various aspects of myself hidden, even from myself.  I was ever so hard on myself, setting very high standards to try to be the person I felt I should be as a spiritually minded yoga teacher.

This meant that I felt I had to look the part so that I strictly controlled my diet and added fuel (as I later realised) to an earlier eating disorder (not healthy at all and a common trap for yoga practitioners who enjoy the fact that yoga gives them an excuse to embrace eating disorders).  I lived a very controlled life so that I shut myself away from friends and a social life (for fear of losing control) and tried to live the life I felt I should live to be more spiritual and pure, that actually made me feel very lonely and sad, rather than connected and whole.  I certainly wasn't happy on the inside, even if others thought I was from the outside.

I believe this all comes down to the mind being a powerful thing and believing we, our lives then, have to be a particular way to be something, whatever that may be. Not only that, but also how we so easily stick to the comfort in our lives, to the way things are, even if we have outgrown them. And this ties in rather nicely with this whole idea of being true to ourselves.  Being authentic thing.  Being honest.  Only that we are often so caught in our zone, routine, comfort zone, our own denial then, that we have no idea.  We don't really see what is getting under our skin, what is draining our life force and what is making our spirit sink.

Until one day something shifts, or gives, or whatever it may be, so that we realise that perhaps, just perhaps we are not being true, or real or authentic in our way of being, living, thinking. And I guess that is when the change occurs, when the cycle begins to take a new shape, as we find ourselves and our way again.

So for me now, the sleeplessness is relentless and exhausting.  But so too the life that I live, the way in which I live, with all its toing and froing and studying and working and doing and running and rushing and simply not enough pottering and being.  So it is therefore no surprise to find myself here again.

And with this a realisation that being authentic really is about being true to the self, acknowledging when things need to change and having the courage to make those changes so that the energy flows, the spirit lifts and life seems filled with more "being" again.

Hoorah therefore for the Aquarius new super moon which takes place late on Wednesday evening. This new moon is certainly making me feel a little wobbly and I shall very much look forward to it waxing and us springing forward again.  Have a read here for more on what is in store! http://us4.campaign-archive1.com/?u=bf3182281c10722c7eea99902&id=981d30f481&e=eae0fe6be6

Be true. Be happy (as someone I met only hours earlier told me on Saturday)

With love and gratitude.

xx

The world needs more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers, and lovers of every kind

In the mindfulness course we are encouraged to really check in with the feeling sensations within our body as we move throughout our day, to get out of our mind, into the body and into the here and now, the present moment.

I didn't have any problem with that today.  I was consumed by an overwhelming sense of sadness that made my heart feel heavy and a sickening and sinking feeling right in the pit of my tummy.  This whole barbaric terrorism malarkey (for want of a better word) has indeed saddened and sickened me to the core of my being. What kind of world are we living in where we feel justified in inflicting so much physical, mental and emotional pain, turmoil and torture on others. 

How is it that so many of us are finding greater lightness in life and being and others just fall further into the darkness from olden times.  How can our experience of life be so different when we are all of the same heart and soul.

Probably a good time for me really to come find the following reading in my line of vision twice this week and providing much comfort to me today as I try to feel more hopeful and less hopeless about the state of this world in which we live and the way we treat others.  For where there is light goodness will come, and perhaps like everything we have to see more darkness, before we are able to see more lightness shine. 

“The plain fact is that the planet does not need more successful people. But it does desperately need more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers, and lovers of every kind. It needs people who live well in their places. It needs people of moral courage willing to join the fight to make the world habitable and humane. And these qualities have little to do with success as we have defined it.” David W Orr.

A friend commented as Gandhi once said, that we need to be the change we want to see in the world.  So true indeed, but so challenging, because we really need to bear witness to ourselves, be mindful then, catch ourselves before we get angry with people on the roads, or feel affronted because someone pushed in a queue in front of you, or got annoyed because someone misunderstood you, or get short tempered because your partner didn't listen to you properly, or shouted at your child for ignoring you. This mindfulness course is making me aware of these interactions and reactions in my own life and teaching me to try to breathe consciously in that moment and catch myself before reacting...

So yes, we do need to be that change, little steps, towards a peaceful world one day, and it is true, it does begin with us. So let us all try and live consciously, let us unite in the light, let us practice yoga, meditate, pray, chant and do what we can to try to increase the vibration of this beautiful world and let us try to live as we would like the whole world to live,  with kindness, love and respect for one another from our whole beings - body, mind and soul.

Om shanti, shanti, shanti.

The journey: gratitude

For some time now I have been meaning to write a little about the concept of gratitude.  I was reminded while reading someone else's blog last week and then I keep catching a glimpse of my gratitude card so clearly I am meant to share.

You see the thing is, before I found yoga and reiki I believe I was very asleep for I had absolutely no concept of gratitude, or the power in words and thoughts and intention.  It was probably because I was a little bit too depressed to really believe I had any reason to feel any gratitude for anything. Which makes me feel a bit sad now, because isn't that the nature of depression, it makes us so dark to the world that we can see no beauty in even a flower.

Fortunately yoga and Reiki brought with them an awakening, I truly feel that I woke from a very dark slumber, so that all these words like 'gratitude' and 'blessings' and' joy' and 'beautiful' came into my world again and all of a sudden I was truly gracious for the changes that took place in my life and for the beauty of the journey that brought me to this moment with all its challenges and tribulations, yet all its awakenings, love, peace and freedom too.

I was given a card at the end of a shadow yoga class I happened upon at a healing centre in Byron Bay which said, "Gratitude turns what I have into enough and more".  This card sits in my yoga room and catches my eye regularly so that it has become a little like an affirmation.  Each day after my practice I pray and express gratitude, give thanks then, to the Divine for all the beauty in life.  Even on the dark days where the beauty is more challenging to find, for there is much to be thankful for in our lives.

And it has helped, expressing gratitude. It helps to keep you awake, trying to see the bigger picture.  It gives you perspective then.  And it is true that gratitude does indeed turn what you have into enough and more.  You only have to reflect on all those suffering in this world. We have enough.  Deep inside, we all have enough.  But some have more than others.  And here in the West, here in Guernsey, well really we are very blessed.

Recently this pome has come into my life three times, which means I am meant to take notice.  Anything that comes into your life three times is said to have come in for a reason, it is meant to catch your attention, there is a message in there somewhere.  I would like to share the poem with you, the fact you are reading this, especially if you have stumbled on this post, means something brought you here, so read carefully and see how it makes you feel:

The Journey by Mary Oliver

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice-
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do -
determined to save
the only life you could save".

Keep well.

With gratitude

xx

Mindfulness, the beginning...

I started an 8 week mindfulness course this week, which has already made me very aware that my life is far too busy!

But then it has been one of those weeks.  Elijah has been suffering jet lag so that I was up with him until 12.30am, 1.30am, 2.30am, 12am, four nights/mornings on the run.  Work was manically busy as I have 3 weeks of work to catch up on.  Plus I was out every evening. 

So trying to squeeze in 45 minutes mindfulness meditation (well body scan this week) was a touch testing.  Which made me laugh a little because here I am trying to reduce my stress, release negative tendencies etc. through the mindfulness course and yet here I was feeling more stressed and more negative as a result of not having enough time to be mindful.  Ah the joys of modern living!

Still this weekend has provided a much needed time out from the hectic pace of the last week, Elijah has been in bed by 8.30pm, I have managed to enjoy two very quick swims in the sea at Petit Bot and catch up on all the paperwork/study/washing.  Oh yes because did I mention that I thought it a good time to advance my yoga studies by undertaking an advanced yoga teacher training course.

So you see that brings me back to the fact that I am very aware that I am doing too much.  And as we all know, it should be less about the doing and more about the being! In fact I came across this beautiful extract from David Frawley in his book I was reading recently, which reads...

"Real yoga is about non-doing. Much of our unhappiness, and even disease, arises from the fact that we are already doing too much. We have no time, not even for ourselves, much less for our loved ones. We are constantly on the go and yet never seem to arrive at any place where we want to stay for very long. Yoga is about doing less and being more present wherever we are and with whatever we need to do. Yoga is not simply something new but a better way of using the faculties ...and resources we already have. Yoga asanas are about moving the body more slowly, ultimately bringing it into stillness. Yogic meditation is about slowing down the mind and creating deep calm and unwavering inner peace that does not require any outer entertainment. A yogic lifestyle is about not bringing any harm or interference into the lives of others. Yoga is not as much a new achievement s a means of letting go and relaxing into the infinite. Yoga philosophy is a philosophy of being. You are all that you need to be. But to discover that, you must move aide the veils of the body, mind and sense and uncover the essence of your being" (David Frawley, "Yoga: The Greater Tradition).

So herewith the challenge.  To slow down.  To be more than to do.  Which of course was the joy of our recent travels, because away from the hum drum of daily life, it is often so much easier to be.  So perhaps the challenge therefore is to incorporate a little more of this into life here in Guernsey. We started that yesterday actually with a walk out in St Peter's, a parish we rarely visit, and we saw the gorgeous Guernsey goats and discovered that there are only 1,000 of these in the world.  We ended up at Forest Stores buying some of their cheese, and it felt good to be supporting the local goats and doing something different!

It is funny though isn't it, how having a child changes your entire perception of life.  For actually they do offer the opportunity for being and for being mindful and aware of the moment as you sit playing with them or washing them, or cleaning up after them, plus going to see goats etc, which we would not have done previously.  But it also means that you are juggling even more balls than you may have been juggling previously, especially if you are working and trying to further yourself and develop other aspects of your being.  But like everything it is a balance, figuring out the important bits and prioritising accordingly.

I as very aware of this when we were in Canada, in so much as I was very lucky that Ewan was happy to loo after Elijah while I went to yoga classes.  I managed to get to a lot of yoga classes, but I did feel ever so slightly guilty about taking the time out for myself and yet was very aware that in taking the time for myself I was perhaps a bit of a better humoured mother and partner.  And this was a healthy realisation as it has made me even more aware how much this time at yoga is sacred for so many of the students, and how grateful I am that they have prioritised that time in their life.

So on that note, I am going to take myself to my mat and make the most of some child-free time to practice, and body scan, and just be, what bliss, me, may mat, some candles and quite space.  How the soul feels very happy about this!!

With love x

Apple and cinnamon flapjacks

These are yummy and pretty good for you too.

Oats contain a soluble fibre that has been clinically proven to lower cholesterol in the digestive tract, the high fibre content makes them an obvious choice for easing constipation and they are very rich in B vitamins which are essential for supporting the body during stressful times.  They support adrenal gland function and nervous system activity and are essential for energy production at a cellular level.

Ingredients (makes 6-10 squares)
2 tablespoons coconut oil plus extra for greasing
2 apples
2 tablespoons honey
180g porridge oats
1 or 2 teaspoons cinnamon
1 tablespoon dried cranberries (optional)
2 tablespoon mixed pumpkin seeds (optional)

How to make

Preheat the oven to 180 degrees Celsius and grease a 20cm square baking tin with coconut oil.

Cut the apples into quarters, remove the seeds, then place them, unpeeled, in a food processor;
Process to a coarse purée, adding a splash of water if necessary.

Melt the coconut oil and honey together in a pan over a medium-high heat. Once the oil and honey have combined, stir in the apple purée and stir thoroughly to form a sticky mixture.

Transfer the mixture to the prepared tin, pressing down well, and bake for around 20 minutes or until the top is golden brown. Allow to cool completely before cutting into squares.

Enjoy!!

Om

Of the many sacred syllables in Hinduism which resonate with different properties of the cosmos, OM is the most scared.  It is considered to be the primordial sound of the cosmos itself, intoned when the universe was created. OM sonically represents Brahman, the ineffable Supreme Reality, and thus naturally sanctifying. For this reason it is intoned at the beginning of every mantra or prayer. It is also considered a condensed version of all scared writings. It is sometimes written AUM and pronounced "ah-oo-mm" but the meaning is the same.

Love

For one human being to love another human being : that is perhaps the most difficult task that has been entrusted to us, the ultimate task, the final test and proof, the work for which all other work is merely preparation" (Rainer Maria Rilke)

Our enlightening trip to Canada

We have just been on the most amazing trip to Canada - a journey within a journey.  I feel like I am returning home a different person, probably the result of 12 yoga classes, a lot of time in nature and surrounded by trees and the wonderful people I have met and experiences experienced over the last few weeks.

I love travelling and I have missed travelling the last year, not that we haven't travelled, but more so that we haven't travelled outside of Europe and there is much joy in slightly longer haul travelling (not in the travel itself per se, especially with children) but in different cultures in different parts of the world.

Vancouver was great, the perfect tempo to transition from the craziness of life on Guernsey to the slower pace of Vancouver Island and our life as we calmed down without work and home responsibilities - very liberating!  Ewan was a star and I managed 4 yoga classes at the amazing Y-Yoga studio downtown Vancouver - I had studio envy most definitely.

Vancouver Island is fabulous especially as one of my best friend's lives there, Sami.  Sami was actually one of my first yoga students all those years ago now, almost 9 (where did that time go and how much our lives have changed in that time) and helped spread the word because yoga helped her so much in her life, which found her changing her life and leaving her settled life in Guernsey for life in Vancouver Island, a place that had captured her heart many years before. 

It all worked out well and she is married to Derek and they have two beautiful children, Rosie and Elliott. They have a fabulous property surrounded by trees and looking towards the mountains in the distance and Sami's parents (who also emigrated from Guernsey) living below them so that they have family and help on hand.

We had a fabulous time staying with the Haynes, and hour and a half from the mainland the Island is beautiful despite the fog, which meant we didn't get to see the views!  Still we had lovely friend and family time and we braved walks in the rain and I was able to get to a lovely yoga class at a studio I visited a few years now. This was most definitely studio envy time, I loved it with all the plants and the wooden vibe, bliss!

From Vancouver Island we took another ferry, only 35 minutes now, to Salt Spring island.  Wow.  I could move there.  Amazing place, just LOVED it.  The Island is about 3 times larger than Guernsey but has only 10,500 people (in the winter).  It is absolutely full to the brim with trees and a fabulous alternative vibe.  People assumed we were locals, fitting in rather well as a tree surgeon/gardener and a yoga teacher.

I managed 3 yoga classes with a lovely Swiss guy who has his own studio over there, it was a little bit too yang for me (and still no inversions, absolutely no inversions in class the whole time and very few forward bends, interesting for me, suspect it may be the safety issues and liability...) but I was grateful to Ewan for the opportunity to practice and feel cleaner, more energised, clearer, stronger (the list is endless) etc etc in the process.

We walked trails (with fabulous fairy and elf doors), we swam, we visited the sites, we enjoyed organic and fresh foods, we laughed, we stayed in a log cabin in the woods, we played table tennis, we tried to take Elijah out on a Canadian canoe on he lake (he didn't like the life jacket) and we watched a lot of the BBC world news reporting on the massacre in Paris...talk about the news becoming reality TV, and the darkness of the world.

We didn't want to leave...

But alas the next stop was pretty good going, back to Vancouver Island, meet with the Haynes family and another ferry back to the mainland and from there a couple of hours drive up to Whistler and the mountains.

Amazing again. I love mountains.  And while I did indeed love these mountains I am afraid that I struggle to get as blow away - awe inspired - as I do in Nepal, I have indeed been spoilt with fishtail let alone seeing the sun rise over Everest (even if I was half dying with altitude sickness!).  But we loved our time in Whistler.

Sami and I went skiing one day which was terrifying.  I have only skied for half a day previously and after a turn on the nursery slopes we decided that I would be okay on the green run.  Big mistake.  The whole "feel the fear and do it anyway" did not really work for me.  I try to overcome fear but this fear was all consuming...I honestly was not quite sure how I was going to get down the mountain because skiing down it appeared impossible, arghh!! 

I did make it down, just.  After some time for contemplation and a good talking to and falling a few times.  Back to the nursery slopes for a good hour or so and then back up and down an easier green route...still incredibly scary so I had a few heart in mouth moments and a little bit of annoyance that it was all such hard work and frustration at not taking lessons and knowing what to do...

But I did feel great later that evening, all that fresh air and snow and sun and breathing and trees and mountain energy.

We went snow shoeing one day and I stood on a frozen lake for the first time.  I also got to go to a couple of yoga classes, lucky me, the classes were super busy too, I was impressed with the commitment, ideal though for a stretch after a day on the slopes.

We had an afternoon in Vancouver before our flight home and I managed yet another yoga class which was amazing, the teacher was really good, I learned lots from the session .  We also chanced upon a café with the most amazing soy chai and the Banyan bookshop which is full of all things I love - crystals, angel cards, yoga stuff, incense, candles, spiritual books, music, singing bowls.  We went to the botanical gardens at the University of British Columbia, which are incredible and made Ewan very happy with all its giant red woods (western red cedars).

Back in the UK and we have a few days in Brighton with our friend Charles, which is a good transition before home.  There are some fabulous independent cafes here with the vegan/vegetarian/fresh/organic options that we have gotten quite used to having in Canada...and I managed my final yoga class before home, Bikram, not my favourite, incredibly hot and hard work but makes you feel amazing afterwards.

So all in all this has been an amazing trip and I most definitely feel a different person now to the one I was when we left 3 weeks ago now.  I have thoroughly loved and indeed relished the opportunity to spend all this time with Ewan and Elijah, it will feel so strange going to work without them!!!

I came across some marvellous quotes on my travels, one that sticks with me is this one...

"The central epiphany in every religious belief occurs in the wilderness. Buddha had to go to the wilderness to experience self realization. Mohammed had to go to the wilderness to have his central realization. Moses went into the wilderness for days to experience his divinity for the first time. The wilderness has always played a critical role. It's where human beings most easily sense the divine". (Robert F. Kennedy JR)."

I have to say that sending time in the wilderness has helped me to heal and provide clarity, to strengthen and release...happy times...very grateful and delighted we took the plunge and stepped beyond the fear of 9 hours on a flight with Elijah. And grateful to Ewan that he was happy to look after Elijah (and eat pastries) while I went to yoga.  I believe we both feel lighter for the experience.

Happy times!!

xxx

Happy new year

What an incredible way to begin the New Year than by being here in Vancouver. I just love this city and am delighted to be able to share it with Ewan and Elijah.

Our New Year began early, the joy of a jet lagged baby! It is the first year for quite some time that I haven't stayed up to welcome in the New Year, which meant New Year's Day was brighter than most and not just due to the weather!

We began the day with a cycle ride around a rather freezing Stanley Park, amazing place, mountains in the background and all the trees, birds and sea life to entertain the eye! This was followed by an early lunch - I am slightly addicted to these marvelous gluten free crackers called "Mary's crackers", yum, yum, and all the rather tasty salads from the wonderful Wholefoods. I would just love one of these shops back home, although it would certainly challenge the budget. Still, all a novelty, and indeed holiday treat over here!

After lunch we joined the owners of the apartment where we are staying, Jackie and Mick, for the annual Vancouver New Year's Day Polar Swim. In its 95th year it attracts about 4,000 people every year and this was an especially busy year due to glorious sunshine, albeit an air temperature of 2 degrees!

I have never experienced such crowds and indeed madness! We wore our bathers and dressing twin yo the beach as suggested by Jackie and Mick, which seemed a little crazy to us initially but when we got to the beach we realized this made perfect sense as there is nowhere to lay down clothes and towels as there is just so many people! In fact you just had to head for the general direction of the sea, and that was crazy too, as most people run in and then run out again! I managed 7 strokes, it didn't feel as cold as the predicted 6 degrees. In face we ended up going in twice it was that much fun!

It was a fab experience, Christmas Day Polar Bear swim in the Atlantic back home and then New a Year Day a Polar Bear swim in the Pacific, where next?!

I warmed up with a very busy Warm flow yoga class at the downtown Y Yoga studio, I do love being able to begin the year indulging in my greatest love - practicing yoga with like minded students, bliss!! We ended the say with a glass of bubbles, a perfect end to a lovely day. I felt very blessed.

Since then we have walked and walked and walked, I have been to more yoga classes and felt cleaner do clearer as a result. 2014 was manic for me and I lost my grounding a little towards the end of the year with the manic ness of life on Guernsey and the craziness of the corporate world where I work part time - essentially we set up a company at the end of 2013' just before I gave birth to a Elijah, and it sold for gbp39m in December 2014...that is quite some return in one year, and a whole lot of hard work for all involved.

So it is already so liberating to just be, without the pressure of work and it's materialism to come back to roots somehow,  to remember what it us all about...and being on one's mat, with other like minded souls facilitates that - you start to hear the gentle whispering a of the heart again. So too traveling and being elsewhere new, where the world becomes full of possibilities again and you can feel the energy working its way through - where coincidence and synchronicity seems prevalent again, this I live. A journey within a journey, of course all part of the journey. A journey of the heart. This I love. A Life full of heart I love.

We are now on Vancouver Island with dear friends...blessed indeed.

Happy new year to one and all, I hope it us filled with much love and peAce.

Xxx

End of the year ramblings

So here we are, almost at the end of 2014 and here I am sitting on the sofa in a friend's house in Brighton unable to sleep with the excitement of going to Vancouver tomorrow for New Year's Eve.

It is funny how life turns out.  The last time I was in Vancouver I was recovering from a bout of adrenal fatigue and depression and Ewan was off travelling around Asia with his friends.  I went out to Vancouver to attend a Yoga therapy course with Phoenix Rising, without realising I was actually on the course to heal myself. 

It had been a hard core year that one before.  I was teaching yoga full time and practicing Reiki and I was working 7 days a week from sunrise to sunset and beyond and I got utterly exhausted .  This wasn't helped by the fact that Ewan and I simply couldn't get our relationship together, we both loved one another but commitment was a problem.  No surprise really, he was 8 years my senior and used to living life on his own and I was a traveller, always jetting off to Nepal or Australia if I got the chance!

My illness meant I ended up moving in with Ewan about the same time that he was made redundant.  This meant we spent the summer gardening - there is a lot to be said about the healing and indeed grounding benefits  of getting earth on your hands,  it was a healing summer with lots of swimming too.  In any event sadly it the redundancy meant that Ewan was keen to go and do all the travelling he had heard me doing - and indeed watched me doing.  So despite my heart breaking at being left behind, off he went and with  a heavy heart and burnt our adrenals, I went off to Vancouver instead.

I still reminisce about this time in Vancouver, especially more recently with the responsibilities and the hectic nature off being a working Mum.  But I was staying out there on my own in an ensuite room in a YCA for one month.  The course was 2 weeks during which I would interact with the other course attendees but other that that, for a whole month I spoke to no one else.  I didn't drink a drop of alcohol nor socialise once (how boring I know!), instead I went to yoga, I read books and I wrote.  My three passions in life.  All in my own silence.  Bliss!!

By the time I met Ewan in New York on his way home from his trip I felt like a new woman, stronger, lighter and with more skills under my belt.  It was all part of the process and we haven't really looked back since, settling down, moving in together and then finally getting around to the concept of children and with that a few years later, Elijah showing up.

What a journey!  Here I was planning (or thinking I was planning) and praying for the life I now live and for Ewan, well it just happened!  This makes me laugh, the way we can all live our lives so differently, so that I question the way I live mine with all my intentions and burning bowl ceremonies and vision boards because perhaps it is already written....

And here we are, now fulfilling another of my dreams, which is to show Ewan Vancouver and Vancouver Island and introduce my son to one of my closest friends who lives on the Island and who we are visiting and who was one of my first yoga students in Guernsey.  Love you Sami!!

A new year ahead of us and with that my 40th too.  So planning my new year year's intentions is proving a little challenging as I have all I dreamt and now I need to dream again...of the yoga studio, of the written books, of the trips to visit my friends in Nepal and show them Elijah.  Or perhaps I should sit back as Ewan has done and so many others have done and see what happens...and enjoy another Christmas as we have just done and a new year head.

On that note I would like to wish you all a very happy and healthy new year (don't let us underestimate our health) and hope that it is a peaceful, compassionate, forgiving, accepting and fulfilling year for you and the world as a whole.

Love xxx

Happy solstice and new year ahead.

Happy solstice!

Yule is a pre-Christian holiday celebrated n the winter solstice.  It is the true new year both astronomically and spiritually. At Yule the new God comes to earth, bringing hope and light.

Yule is the time to begin to think about what you want to accomplish in the months to come.  It is the time to outline the goals you wish to work towards. So the attention now is inward to allow your higher self, your spiritual side then time to clarify what needs to be done and which goals to set.

Yoga can certainly offer you with the space and awareness and indeed clarity to know where best to focus your energy and attention - to create an intention then - and there is of course great power in this.

Happy solstice everyone, happy new year ahead.  Here is a beautiful new year blessing that I would like to share with you:

On the day when
the weight deadens
on your shoulders
And you stumble,
May the clay dance
To balance you.

And when your eyes
Freeze behind
The grey window
And the ghost of loss
Gets into you,
May a flock of colours,
Indigo, red, green
And azure blue,
Come to awaken in you
A meadow of delight.

When the canvas frays
In the currach of thought
And a stain of ocean
Blackens beneath you,
May there come across the waters
A path of yellow moonlight
To bring you safely home.

May the nourishment of the earth be yours,
May the clarity of light be yours,
May the fluency of the ocean be yours,
May the protection of the ancestors be yours.

And so may a slow
Wind work these words
Of love around you,
An invisible cloak
To mind your life.

("Bennacht For Rosie" from Benedictus by John O'Donohue).

Hooray for yoga!

It has been a tough few weeks.

Elijah has been sleeping badly, although to be honest he has never slept well, but it seems that he has regressed so that he has been waking every few hours and is sometimes unsettled and restless.  It is his teeth of course, yet more teeth coming through, but good grief what a challenge.

It is not just the lack of sleeping though, but also the fact that he is very clingy at the moment, which is endearing of course, but does make it difficult for me to leave him on his own or even put him down on the floor and out of my arms.  My arms are certainly much stronger these days from all the carrying!!  Bless him, he loves his cuddles and being attached to one of us in one way or another - our little koala!

Still it doesn't do to complain too much as this is how it is, we have chosen to "be" with him and to be led by him and he seems very happy for it and we love being with him, even if he does kick me in the night and still likes to hang off my boob when others have grown out of it!!

The sleep deprivation is the killer though, torture no less, quite literally too, and it does make for a challenging time of it as your mind becomes less able to focus, your emotions become a little more tricky to manage and getting through the day can be a struggle at times.  Not helped that my day job has been ridiculously busy so that my stress levels have risen and I can literally feel the pressure of it all getting to me.  I just need sleep!!  But it never comes and just serves to demonstrate how resilient we are as human beings because you have to get on with it as there is always the hope that things will change.

For a while though it did feel that things were rather stuck, one day after the next, busy, busy, busy, relentless so that my spirit was sinking and with that sinking spirit all that old stuff coming up again, stress levels rising, OCD habit of clean floors in house returning (ha ha!!) and a short bout of low moods...so that it felt that I had regressed somewhat after years of feeling good.

Still things come and go, and often for a reason and it was with some relief that I headed off to London with my boys last weekend for some much needed yoga and time away from the routine of life back here in Guernsey.  Timings were perfect as they tend to be, and the course coincided with another "clarity giving" full moon.

The course was with the infamous Doug Swenson who has been practicing and teaching yoga for 45 years now.  Wow.  I have to say, and I won't know that I have said this for some time, but he is an incredibly inspiring man and the course was teensy weensy bit life changing.  There I said it.  The weekend as a whole was life changing.  Hooray!

Doug's approach to yoga resonates with me hugely and helped me to soften quite literally.  The practice is challenging of course, it is Ashtanga based, but his approach is soft and gentle and based on his observations of the flowing nature of nature and when one embraces this energy in one;s practice, well wow, I have not felt so light in my practice for some time.  Nine hours of yoga practice and I didn't ache once, and I practiced poses I have not practiced much before, and with such ease too, so that everything seemed possible, not simply on the mat but off the mat too.

And of course it will come as no surprise that the practice on my mat affected the way I felt off my mat, so that clarity did arrive and with that a strength that I have not felt for a while.  So there was shift quite a noticeable one too, back on track and feeling positive again hooray!!!

I managed to enjoy some peaceful time on my own, which is a rare joy and also some fabulous times with my boys going to Selfridges (and loving the snow leopard), wandering around Marylebone and visiting Abbey Road studios.  I also got to enjoy a whole night and morning with Elijah when Ewan was celebrating his birthday with friends and we walked all the way from St John's Wood through Regent's Park, up to Primrose Hill and down to Camden for a mooch around the markets, and then back again.  I just love spending time wandering around London and it seems Elijah loves it too as he actually stayed in his pushchair the whole walk!!!

We went down to Brighton for a night too to stay with one of our friends, which was great fun, having a good old catch up and feeling so energised (and yet tired too, go figure) from the yoga that day so that I actually didn't want to go to bed.  And then didn't want to get up again the next morning!!

So here we are, back in Guernsey, me feeling incredibly inspired and desperate to spend as much time as I can on my mat playing around, keen to share what I have learned and experienced with my students and yet still as busy as ever at work and Elijah still waking frequently.  But oh well, it is what it is and no doubt it will change, there is a new moon coming soon, I am quite sure that that will shift things along a little.

Anyhow it all comes as a reminder how much yoga supports our lives, well my life, that bit has become once again blindingly obvious to me, not that I forgot as such, but more so to see it in practice like this, the way it changes how you feel, the strength it gives you and the joy too.  I shall most definitely encourage Elijah on my mat with me for maybe he will start to sleep better and then I shall sleep better and the world will seems an even brighter place to live!!

So a big thank you to Doug Swenson and to yoga and to all the yoga teachers who have helped to enlighten the path, I am indeed in awe of this marvellous practice.

With much gratitude. xxx

The moos!

Wow, it has been some time since I have found any time to sit down and type on here.  Life is like that though, peaks and troughs.  One thing is for sure though, I am looking forward to a quiet trough again!

It has been an interesting time of late.  I have been seeing my Ayurvedic doctor again for one thing or another and so the last few months have been spent taking lots of herbal concoctions to help get to the root cause of the problem.  This is the joy of Ayurveda, it doesn't just treat the symptoms as the allopathic treatments tend to do (and needless to say never truly solve the problem) but really tried to literally ease out at the root.  Not to say it is a an easy process, the mind and body are so connected that what presents as a condition in the body is a reflection of some "imbalance" in the mind or way of thinking and consequently in the lifestyle generally. So one does need to be prepared to look at oneself honestly, which is never ever an easy process, we are always in some level of denial.

So it is a process. And it is fascinating when you can finally stand back and see what has been going on.  I have come to realise how I have been in denial about many aspects of my life, really very not easy, because with that comes the realisation that there will be other aspects I am not yet ready to "see" or indeed accept.  And life has thrown the challenges, so that one does come to see things a little more clearly.

I have felt recently that I have gone backwards, that my attitude and mental make-up was very reminiscent of where it was over 10 years ago now before I discovered the joy of yoga and reiki. This is not entirely true of course, but I gained a glimpse nonetheless so that I have become aware that the remnants of the pattern are still there, somewhere.  And of course I fought in my denial, as we tend to do when we have a vested interest, clinging on, always right, until we are ready, prepared then, courageous enough maybe to accept where improvements could be made, where we need to let go...and let God in.

Which is generally when things start to shift.  Just invite the Divine into your life and get yourself out of the way.  Simples as Aram would say.  And when you do eventually do this phew, what a relief...clarity, calmness, ah, no more fight, gentleness, and time to truly be quiet.

Well I am there.  In the quiet space.  Dust settling.  Soul craving time out.  Phew (that was a powerful new moon).

Elijah and I had a magical moment this week when we went out walking in the lanes and stopped to look at the "moos" and all 8 of them came up to us and just stood with their beautiful faces fascinated by Elijah as we were both fascinated by them.  It is moments like that that remind me of the interconnected nature of all beings, of this world, of life. And love.  How much love there is in this world.  I smile at the memory.

Keep well and standing in your power.

xx

Transforming

What a week, stunning sunrise, full moon, rainbows, fires, flocks of starlings, strong winds, a whole heap of rain and glorious sea swimming.  This has all helped me to feel lovely and connected to nature. What a wonderful world it is.

Been taking a whole lot of Ayurvedic herbs, which has helped the connection to self and the greater whole, and encouraged grounding activity such as cooking and cleaning.  Ha, the joys of the simple living!!  It has also helped me to become a little more conscious of some of my previously unconscious self-sabotaging patterns of behaviour and living, and with that (I guess) an opportunity for transformation...not always easy though, to break down old patterns of behaviour.  Still yoga offers much support with this.

I am reminded of this marvellous poem that was shared with me on the last day of my very intensive teacher training course all those years ago now...

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters by Portia Nelson

1.  I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I fall in.

I am lost … I am hopeless.

It isn’t my fault.

It takes forever to find a way out.

 

2.  I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend I don’t see it.

I fall in again.

I can’t believe I’m in the same place.

But it isn’t my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out.

 

3.  I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it is there.

I still fall in … it’s a habit.

My eyes are open.

I know where I am.

It is my fault.

I get out immediately.

 

4.  I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

 

5.  I walk down another street.

 

Love this!!!

 

Let's hope for a jubilant week ahead...with much fun regardless.

 

x  

Warming butternut squash soup

I had a request for vegan soup...and the next day along came a cookery book put together to raise some money for the Cheshire Homes here on Guernsey and in that book I came across a recipe for a  warming butternut squash soup that could be adapted to ensure it is vegan...which I made and we enjoyed for supper this evening, yummy indeed (despite Elijah's facial expression!!!).  So here it is:

Ingredients

1kg/2lb squash
1 large onion
Olive oil
2 apples
3 sticks of celery
800ml/11/2 pints of vegetable stock
1 tsp curry powder
1 bay leaf
1 clove of garlic
salt and pepper

How to make

Peel and cut the squash into 1cm cubes and brush with olive oil.  Cook on top shelf of oven at 200 degrees c/gas 6 for 40/45 minutes until well tinged on edges;

Chop onion, celery and apple.  Cook on a low heat for 10 minutes with olive oil and bay leaf.

Add crushed garlic and curry powder and cook for 2 minutes.

Add cooked squash, seasoning and vegetable stock.

Simmer for 30 minutes. Pulp with a masher and serve.

Enjoy! x

Happy bonfire night!

Happy bonfire night! How did that happen, it is already the first week of November with another full moon tomorrow night, phew this year is flying be, I can hardly believe Elijah will be one next week!  Still, I do love seeing the bonfire, all that light, let alone the potentially sleepy effect of watching flames - a little like tratak, the Hatha Yoga cleansing technique to literally cleanse the eyes and also to induce sleep, now this is something I need!!

It has been an interesting time recently.  I enjoyed my first night away from Elijah with a fleeting trip to London with my Dad to watch Van Morrison play in the Royal Albert Hall.  This was amazing, not least Van the Man but also the opportunity to read my book while travelling (opposed to entertaining small child!), enjoy a yoga class at TriYoga in Soho and do some shopping with only myself to think about.  Of course it was fabulous to spend time with Dad too, this is something we have done every year for a while now except for last year when I was pregnant so that we have watched quite a few bands now, and enjoyed some father/daughter bonding in the process.

I doubt I shall be going away again on my own anytime soon though, Elijah missed his Mummy and Daddy was quite exhausted by all the wake up calls.  Yes, almost a year on, and I am still getting woken quite a few times a night.  If someone had told me this time last year that I would not get to have a whole night sleep for a whole year plus, I would have wondered how I would survive.  But you do.  Somehow.  Some nights are better than others and I guess those must help to keep me sane.  A few bad nights on a trot (we are on our third tonight) does challenge the ability to think clearly at work, let alone access any memory.  We try and laugh and remember that this is not forever.  And each evening there is hope that he may sleep a little better!

Swimming in the sea has become a touch more challenging of late, although it feels really rather warm for this time of year.  We do love going down to Petit Bot the three of us.  Often we have the beach to ourselves, which is fab, and we take it in turns to go in the sea while one of us hangs out with Elijah, who just loves the beach. There is something so magical about being here n our own, not least the liberating nature of changing without worrying about covering yourself with a towel, but so too the way in which you feel so connected to the nature of it all.  We always feel alive when we leave - and that is not just due to submerging ourselves in the sea!!!

I have been working on my grounding the last few months and accepting the need for routine.  As is always the case, when you finally let go of the old and accept the new, you find it really rather works for you, so that I am thoroughly enjoying having the evenings to myself after years of teaching yoga most evenings, and I am relishing cooking and nourishing myself and my family with food. We are fortunate to still be getting goodies from the folks' greenhouse, they have the most amazing Satsuma tree, literally covered this year.  I haven't quite managed to chant while cooking just yet, but that it is my intention eventually, to really imbue our food with some extra energy.

I have been chanting in my own practice though, having let this go for some time.  I do love to chant and I find it very powerful.  I particularly enjoy chanting with others and only wish we had a chanting group over here who meet more regularly than 3 times a year.  There is so much healing power in sound, quite incredible really, although very confrontational for people too.

I have been giving some thought to the confronting nature of yoga generally and I have written an article which touches on this a little.  You can find it on my website, "I want to get back to yoga but...".  I just had this creative urge and managed to write two articles, I suspect it is the effect of all the Ayurvedic herbs I am taking, bringing something up and out, or just the time of year...

On that note I realise I could waffle for hours, a combination of the creative urge and the full moon energy, plus of course the wiring nature of fireworks.  But it is indeed time to sleep.

Until next time, keep well.

Much gratitude.

x

Aram Raffy comes to Guernsey

Amazing, amazing, amazing. 

I am so grateful to Aram Raffy for taking time out to fly across the channel and come and join us here in Guernsey ton share his passion (and indeed mine) for Vinyasa yoga.  Breathe, flow, breathe, move, breathe, present, breathe, be, breathe, accept, breathe, sweat, breathe, here, breathe, challenge, breathe, laugh, breathe, feel so wired that you need to calm down before bed a little, breathe, move, breathe, still, breathe, mind, breathe, spirit, breathe, body, breathe, laughter, feel so wired after class the next morning that you keep going all day and all evening,  happy natural highs, doesn't get much better, next day can hardly move but you are still grinning.  I LOVE VINYASA YOGA.

Aram is a joy.  I stumbled across him a few years ago now on one of my many trips to London a where I just happen upon a yoga class...I loved his style and energy and returned again taking Ewan with me on my next trip and he loved the class too. Intrigued as I was to his background I came across reference to his teacher, Stewart Gilchrist, who happened to be running a workshop on one of my next trips to London.  So I chanced upon it and was positively blown away by the similarity to my own teacher, Lance Shuler, albeit their accents are very different - Stewart Scottish and Lance Australian (well New Zealand technically).

Still, it was a joy to bring Aram to the Island and share him with many local students - and manage a couple of classes myself without having to traipse across the Channel!  I have received a whole heap of positive feedback from Aram's time here, so that I am hopeful we can bring him back again - it is not everyday we have access to such a dedicated, energetic and well practised yogi who is male too, such a treat over here where most of us yoga teachers are female.

It has all come at a good time too.  There are signs everywhere of the lessons to learn always.  We just have to be receptive to them, that is the challenge!  Still I cannot help noticing how often I have been reminded of the need for selfless practicing - dedicating our practice, our life then, for the benefit of others.  It is always much easier said than done, but how liberating, to get ourselves out of the way.  I love what the Dalai Lama says about this:

"We are visitors on this planet. We are here for ninety or one hundred years at the very most. During that period, we must try to do something good, something useful with our lives. If we contribute to other people's happiness, you will find the true goal, the true meaning of life".

I love even more that we can give so selflessly through yoga, to share the gift of yoga, to try to be useful in doing so.  This blows my mind and makes me feel very happy to be alive.

Thank you so much Aram for showing up and teaching and taking the time.  Please come back soon!!

As for the after effects, it did make me chuckle that the last two nights when I have been so wired, little monkey Elijah has slept badly, perhaps wired off the wired energy of my milk.  Funny, but not so funny when you long for sleep!!!  But still, this kind of practice makes you feel so clean, so energised and clean, and centred and grounded and balanced and present and all those wonderful things.  Like Aram and indeed Patthabi Jois says, it is all about the practice.  That is all you have to do, just show up and practice (and the turning up for many is the challenge).

I must admit that I was aching though, my muscles are not used to working so hard - strange now to think I practiced to that level every day for the 6.5 weeks of my teacher training in Byron Bay, wow, no wonder I felt to hug a tree each morning!  Still a swim in the sea and Epsom salt bath this evening should sort things out...well here is hoping!

So thank you again Aram, please do come back and perhaps bring Stewart too, it would be a delight.

With love, light and ever so much gratitude.

xx

Jill's tomato, vegetable and lentil soup

This is a super yummy soup that we enjoyed at the recent Reiki One Attunement Session, courtesy of my Mum.

Over to Mum...

I don't measure the ingredients exactly but I use 2 pans.  In one are just half an onion with chopped up tomatoes and in the other one is about the same volume of chopped vegetables.

So, ingredients:-

Pan 1

Assorted tomatoes - or whatever you have got, chopped very roughly.

1/2 large onion peeled and chopped.
A little olive, veg or sunflower oil

 Pan 2

Your choice of:-

Carrot

Parsnip

Courgette

Celery

Sweetcorn      All chopped to uniform size, about little finger nail size

Calabrese

Sweet potato

Butternut squash

Etc....

1/2 large onion chopped and about 1/2 cup red lentils. A little olive, veg or sunflower oil. Vegetable stock - either home made or powder/cube etc. Large sprig or sprigs thyme.

So, in pan one, fry onion in oil until just going translucent, then tip in all roughly chopped tomatoes and simmer covered until tomatoes are really well cooked (about 20 mins).

Meanwhile in pan 2 fry onion in oil until translucent then tip in all 'hard' vegetables and enough vegetable stock to cover.  Simmer for about 10 mins and then tip in rest of veg, red lentils and sprigs of thyme.  Simmer for another 10 mins ensuring still covered by enough liquid.

At end of 20 mins of tomatoes simmering in pan 1, take off heat and blitz with wand blender until smooth.  Tip in contents of pan 2 (remove sprigs of thyme) and stir well.  Season with salt/pepper to taste.

Enjoy!

Healing

It has been some time since I last posted...in fact funnily enough it was just after the Reiki One attunement and just as we were beginning our 21 day cleansing period.  Phew, this some cleansing period, I am feeling it more this time than I have ever done previously, probably not helped by the unsettling nature of the recent full moons, which have well and truly shaken things up and thrown light on the shadow side...there is no more escaping.

Funny how you can be so unintentionally unaware of the fact that you have outgrown the life you have been living, so that it no longer fits.  I mean you know something isn't quite right, but you do not realise what it is, until the moon and Reiki and yoga help to make it clear, let alone the angels who are trying to get your attention along the way.

So the words that have appeared in my life these last few weeks have been alignment - no surprise that my neck has been out of alignment at the same time that my outer life is out of alignment with my inner truth - and nurture, or the need to nurture. And with that the realisation that we can continue to live as we are living, but it will not bring us the feelings of happiness, peace and security that we  are seeking.  It is a bit like that wonderful quote, "if you always do what you have always done, then you will always get what you have always gotten".

The process of change, or transformation then, is never easy, and the best thing is to get yourself out of the way.  Only that you have such a vested interest in the process that this is easier said than done.  I like to think that it is an uncasing, that a part of you is no longer needed, the old stuff, a layer can come off, but the coming off is the hard bit, because we have a habit of wanting to hold on.

So I have dig deep and been very fortunate to support the journey with some reflexology, acupuncture, Ayurveda, Reiki and chiropractor work, let alone my daily yoga practice and a powerful Vedic chanting session with  a visiting yoga session.  Plus of course the ears of some good and trusted friends.

So life has been a bit of a challenge this last few weeks not helped with the seasonal virus circulating the family - funny how this happens in Autumn, a release of all that phlegm and helping the transition from summer to autumn.  Elijah is still not sleeping more than 2-3 hours at a time at night either, and the collective 11 months of sleep deprivation does finally feel very heavy on my eyes and indeed spirit...but I am reminded that this too will pass.

It all sounds a little down and out, but really life is full of so many blessings - this healing is a blessing, even though it does not feel it at the time.  But really this is the joy of Reiki, and indeed yoga, but Reiki especially this time, that it helps to bring us closer to our truth, to align our inner and outer worlds, to empower us to make changes so that that which no longer serves us drops off, and so we may grow a little stronger and committed to the path.  And there is a lot of learning in the process - of healing, cells, energy, mind and body. 

I am hoping that the more we can all hold to the truth and to the light, the more this will help to balance the imbalance of darkness and light in this world.  There is so much darkness in the news these days and usually I try to ignore it, put my head in the sand, but it has been difficult to ignore, that I find it distressing, which actually serves no use either.  So I figure all I can do is pray and practice and chant and open my heart and smile and share light where I can and try and make myself a better person so that this can be a better world to live in.  All we can do is try.  And when we fall down, pick ourselves up and try again...and again...and again.

On that note I am off to bed...sleep is indeed the greatest cure of all.

With much love and light

Emma x

Scrummy raw and dairy, wheat and sugar free cheesecake, yum, yum!!

I finally made (well sort of finally made) this most scrummy raw food dairy-free, wheat-free and sugar-free cheesecake that my brother's girlfriend introduced to me in the summer.  Very easy to make, even for me, although Mum did take over as she gets very impatient with my efforts in the kitchen!!!

Yummy indeed.  Although I guess we should remember that while it is dairy, wheat and sugar free, it does contain a lot of fats and while these may be deemed "good" fats, they still put a lot of pressure on the liver (read Barbara Wren and her fabulous books on cellular awakening/into the light" for more on this) so save as a treat.

Happy making and eating!

x

Raw ‘Cheesecake’

Makes one 7” cheesecake

Crust

½ cup Brazil nuts
¼ cup almonds
¼ cup dessicated coconut
1 tablespoon cacao or carob powder (both hard to find in Gsy so used 85% plain choc)
Pinch salt
2 – 4 dates (stoned) – depending on size
1 teasp raw agave nectar or honey

Blitz in food processor until crumbly – the mixture should stick together when pressed between your fingers. If it doesn’t either add a little water or more honey. Press into bottom of 7” springform tin or similar container.

Filling

2 cups fresh or frozen fruit (the original recipe called for blueberries but I have also made it with mango and loganberries. I think apricots, nectarines etc would work as well)
1 cup cashews, finely ground
¼ cup + 2 tablespoons melted coconut oil
2 tablespoons melted cacao butter (hard to find in Gsy but internet gave good quality white chocolate as an dairy alternative or more coconut oil if non-dairy)
¼ cup raw agave nectar or honey
1 tablespoon lemon juice
Large pinch salt

Blitz in blender until smooth and creamy. Pour over the crust and chill until ready to serve.
Sauce - Optional
You could make a sauce to go with it using perhaps one cup of the same fruit and a small amount of honey – blitzed.

Decoration 

I have used some of the fruit to decorate the top i.e. whole blueberries on the blueberry one and sliced mango washed in lemon juice on the mango one etc.



It doesn’t take long to set and seems to keep for several days. However, keep in the fridge until just before serving as, because the coconut oil is the setting ‘agent’ it becomes less solid if allowed to get too warm.