Sleep deprivation is a killer!!

I am exhausted.  Yes, a combination of the energy expanded on the yoga & wellbeing retreat, iron deficiency, travelling and the constant sleep deprivation due to Elijah's teething, mean that I am a walking zombie!  It has been a hard day indeed and I do wonder how people cope when they have twins or numerous children and have to continue working. 

Having Elijah has certainly made me a little more aware and indeed much more compassionate to the many roles that a working mother must play, juggling child care with the demands of the working world and having any time for oneself.  Fortunately Elijah sleeps each morning so I am able to practice and maintain my spiritual sanity, or grounding, or whatever you call it, time out for myself on my mat in silence if I choose without anyone demanding anything of me, phew, simple pleasures in life again!!

We have just returned from a fabulous trip to visit our friends on their farm in Normandy.  This is always fatal for me as I have to slow down a few notches and a few more after that and then all I want to do is sleep because it all catches up.  Only that when you have a 4.5 month baby, you can't necessarily sleep when you choose!

There is something wonderfully grounding about being on a farm in the middle of nowhere, miles away from the hectic pace of life back home, with that wonderful Normandy light and the joy of being surrounded by nature, so much nature, and trees and birds and the moon and the sky and all those wonderful elements that connect you to the earth.  Most definitely a time to breathe, to absorb and to heal.  Oh what a wonderful way to live, I am in awe of the life Tessa and Carl have created for themselves and their two children, out of the rat race.

Back here we are building up to the springing forward of time and the lighter evenings to bring life back into outdoor evening living, hoorah for late evening walks and swims in the sea and gardening and all the stuff that gets missed during the cosy winter months.  There is something very healing about being a little bit more in touch with nature and I could do with a bit of that.  It is a reminder, as always that life is a balance and that everything comes to pass.

On that note, time for bed, sweet dreams, another night full of potential for sleep!!

Love and light

x

Spring Yoga & Wellbeing retreat on Herm

It is ridiculous really, for weeks I have been fretting about the annual yoga and well being retreat on Herm, and while I know that worrying achieves little (aside from exhausting you), that was all I seemed to be doing.  Totally unnecessary of course, for the weekend was amazing, albeit that I am completely biased!

This year we had record numbers, with ladies joining us from the UK and a couple from Jersey, so the arrival of the fog on Thursday, the day before the retreat, was really not welcomed.  It was a manic day, packing all that we may need for the weekend and I m just fortunate - and ever so thankful - that my Mum has been in control of everything!

It was an early start on Friday morning as Ewan, Elijah, Mum and I took the 8.15am boat to Herm with our two carloads of stuff, oh my gosh, and in the fog too, which didn't look like it would lift.  We were met in Herm by Sion and his team and were delighted to find the hotel all ready for us, bright and clean, and nice and warm too.

It is funny because each year there is a problem with travel, this year the Trident was having to leave earlier on the Sunday, that was fine, it was full moon after all, but I hadn't allowed myself to consider that it would be foggy.  And it certainly seemed foggy most of the day in Herm as we set up the yoga room ad delivered crystals and flowers to the guest's rooms and made the place look as lovely as possible before their arrival at 4.20pm.

So I was quite amazed therefore that everyone, except one lady from Guernsey, who was stuck in Gatwick, managed to make it to Herm.  Even more so that the Jersey couple made it for they had missed the 4pm Travel Trident departure time by a couple of minutes and amazingly (if you know anything about the Herm boat you will know this is really very amazing) the boat turned back to Guernsey and went to pick them up - thank you Travel Trident!

We met everyone off the boat before they headed off to their rooms to take their stuff and prepare for the first yoga class in the wonderful conservatory of the White House hotel with its fabulous views of the East coast of Guernsey - well usually it has views, of course it was too foggy that first night.  And to be honest I am not sure anyone would have appreciated a sunset that evening, the first class is always rather focused and serious as everyone settles into the weekend.

It was busy in the yoga room as the ladies who were offering treatments on the Saturday had come a day earlier and were joining the yoga.  Vicki was kindly helping me with adjusting, which was fantastic because not everyone is familiar with my style of teaching.  Everyone was up for it this year, very few injuries and great focus, and of course the option to do as much or as little as they liked.  For me that is really important, that everyone takes responsibility for their experience of the weekend by doing/being whatever feels right for them.

After a relaxing Yoga Nidra, the vegetarian evening meal was taken in the Mermaid, yummy food and great company.  It was an early bed time for many of us though, there is something about the peace and quite of Herm that encourages sleep - unless you are 17 weeks old and teething.  Oh yes, it was not a restful night for me and there was no risk of us missing the 7am swim, with our 5.30am start!

This year there were record numbers for the morning swim in the sea down at the harbour, a whole 8 of us turned up, Elijah was sleeping by this point in his carry cot and oblivious to the laughter and shrieks as we dipped our bodies in the freezing cold sea, what a wonderful way to be begin the morning and set us up for the action packed (for me at least) day ahead.

Tea and fruit was available in the lounge with the log fire burning from 7.30am, with the pranayama and meditation session beginning at 8am with views this time, albeit that our eyes were closed and awareness within.  This session as followed by the yoga asana class, a flowing one to help liberate the heart and energise for the day ahead.  Another great practice, a little more relaxed and jovial now as everyone settled into their practice.

A wonderful brunch followed the class, cooked vegetarian breakfast, porridge, fruit and tasty award winning muesli from Primrose's Kitchen on offer, yum, yum, yum!  And then it was time for people to do as they pleased, some had treatments - Reiki with me, holistic massage with Hayley Le Marquand or hot stone reflexology with Christine Shepherd - or a walk 'n' talk session with Michelle Johansen, others joined the run with J-P Macé - a record number this year, and others chilled out by the fire or went walking.

Lunch was at 1.30pm and by then the sun was shining so that many people sat outside eating their soup or salad in the courtyard of the Mermaid. I feel incredibly blessed that we were treated to such delightful weather as it really does make such a difference to people's experience of the retreat, a weekend on Herm with sunshine is a dream.

After lunch there were more treatments and the opportunity to join a walk at 2.30pm led by Leslie Bailey who is a Herm resident walking guide who has an incredible knowledge of the history of Herm as well as nature and foraging.  We are very grateful that she was able to lead the walk for us this year, which was well supported by the attendees.

We met again at 4.45pm for chanting, where we sat together with the afternoon sun streaming into the yoga room, chanting AUM, such a lovely sound, especially when we just went for it at the end, thank you everyone for joining me on this, I absolutely love chanting and don't get much of an opportunity to chant with others over here. There is so much power in chanting, you only have to think of the Vedas, the oldest known yogic texts, to appreciate the magnificence of this practice.

From chanting we moved to our evening practice, a gentle one beginning with pranayama and followed by lots of slow and soft movement, internalising awareness and yet at the same time appreciating the beautiful, so beautiful sunset taking place in front of where we practiced - we were indeed most blessed.  The session finished with a Yoga Nidra, to rest and restore before a final chant if Om and off for more food in the Mermaid.

It was a really lovely evening meal,  thank you so much to the chef and staff in the Mermaid for their efforts in producing tasty and nourishing vegetarian food, lots of brown rice and a chickpea and broccoli curry or gluten-free enchilada and a yummy roasted vegetable and seed dish, plus salad and fresh rye bread.  Desert followed with chocolate brownies with icecream and berry crumble with custard, or fresh fruit salad, we were indeed most spoilt!!!

It was another early evening for me and an even earlier morning with Elijah waking at 5.15am, but how wonderful to wake simply to the sound of the sea only metres from our room and the birds, nature, wonderful, and even a sunrise in the distance.  I don't believe you can put a price on this kind of experience.

Due to the full moon and resulting extreme tides, the boat back to Guernsey had to leave at 10am, earlier than planned, so the morning class began at 7.30am, with some more pranayama and silent meditation before moving straight into a very active and flowing class, everyone was up for it, so the energy was running high, it is so much fun to teach like this, and also to witness students moving out of their comfort zone and into new territory and equally holding back where necessary so that one way or another they are honouring the wisdom of their bodies.

And then that was that, another filling brunch in the Mermaid and we all trekked to Rosaire steps for the boat back home.  Some of the ladies were fortunate to see a seal, which just ended the trip perfectly for them.  The sun was still shining as the boat arrived in Guernsey, and it felt sad to me that I was saying goodbye to people so quickly, such a wonderful group of people and such an uplifting weekend, thank you so much to all of you who attended and supported so that we all shone brightly by the end.  Om shanti.

Needless to say we already have the retreat booked on Herm next year although that was the last thing on my mind yesterday afternoon as the tiredness caught up with me and I cuddled and played with Elijah having seen so little of him the day before.  He enjoyed his first retreat though and special time with Daddy and Gumpy, next year he gets to go on his first foreign retreat, as Beinspired runs a first retreat in Morocco, exciting times ahead!

With much gratitude.

xxx

Jivamuki and liberating the soul

This year is flying by, unbelievable! 

Sitting at Saint's Bay this morning with Elijah and Ewan and just watching the waves crash onto the beach, I was reflecting on my previous travels and all the time I seemed to have to do exactly that, day after day in Byron interspersed with yoga classes (sometimes 6 hours a day) and drinking chai, and then in Nepal sitting for hours at a time staring up at the mountains or out to the lake.

There is nothing quite like sitting on the beach to bring you back to earth a little.  This is the joy of nature, though, the fact it does exactly that, and what a beautiful start  to the morning.  Albeit rather cold as we went for a dip in the sea, the first time we have been in together for a long time, Elijah asleep (for the rare time all day) in his car seat on the beach!  It was cold, very cold!!

We had a random encounter with a young guy new to the Island as we left the beach.  He had arrived this morning from the Lake District to run the bar at a local hotel.  I always find it rather fascinating how people end up where they do and especially those that end up here on this tiny Island in the English Channel.  We gave him a lift to town and look forward to catching up with him in a few weeks time to see how things are going.

So life has been rather manic, work and sleep deprivation as Elijah regresses to two hourly feeds.  Still he is a joy, smiling and big blue eyes, just means that life passes so quickly by....he is 16 weeks already and I have so much more compassion and indeed awareness of the demands of working mothers and how precious to take time out for a yoga practice - and yet how imperative.

Oh yea, whilst it does indeed feel most decadent, it is almost a necessity - as much as a treat - to get to a weekly Sunday yoga class when Ewan takes Elijah to see his Mum. The trouble is I was so tired this morning  I could have done with an hour of relaxation!!!

My daily practice has changed considerably the last few weeks as I truly embrace the Jivamukti approach to yoga - I just love it, discovered with the wonderful Aram in Chelsea London, over a year ago now and then the wonderful Stewart Gilchrist (who I am trying to bring to the Island) a few months later.  Jivamukti means liberation of the soul and that is exactly what this practice does...it liberates my soul.  Physically demanding and flowing in nature, I just love the way it makes me feel.

I realise now that my practice has been stagnant for a while now. It happens.  But a stagnant practice means a  stagnant life...so things have changed.  My practice has changed, I have started addressing the blocks, the poses where I go, "urmmm, not for me today" and had a go at them anyway, and not just had a go but tried to stay in them too - how many times do we get into poses, think to ourselves "there we are, in that pose" and then drop out...and how many times do we not even try in the first place?

Well I can be as guilty of that as most in my home practice, which can get unintentionally lazy because there isn't anyone standing there telling me what to do next.  That is the thing with a home practice, you have to be disciplined.  And this is something else I have reflected upon today for I have finally recoded a CD for students to be able to practice from home...but of course there is still the need to be disciplined enough to take the time...I can feel an article coming on!!

I do love opening to Grace, taking homeopathic remedies, practicing Yoga, all those things that encourage transformation and indeed change - clearing out so Grace can indeed enter.  It doesn't mean life is any less uncomfortable at times, but it does mean that you open to the potentiality of life (and this in itself is uncomfortable and challenging!).  So life is changing, and those moments on the beach are precious, me and my boys, sitting and listening to the beautiful sound of the waves crashing on the beach.

"Fortune favours the brave" a 15 year old student quoted to me recently and this has stuck in my mind ever since, like a mantra, for she is so right, it is true, thank you Tabitha, you have truly inspired and indeed reminded.  Fits in nicely with the flowing and dynamic yoga and all that Shakti energy, creating in true female style, hoorah for md March and summer on its way!

Stay safe and stay happy.

Much gratitude.

xxx

Homeopathy is wonderful

Homeopathy is just incredible.  The world of healing is incredible. Admittedly the fall out from taking a remedy is never easy, the "stuff" has to bubble to the surface, it has to be lived...everything shatters to come back again, well the bits that need to come back that is.  And with that a healing occurs.

My shoulder pain has gone, seems it was a chip after all.  My skin has improved, the anger is no longer seeping out of me, unresolved issues now resolved, change has occurred - and of course change in life means a change is practice too.  It is hard to describe in words, to intellectualise, but everything appears the same, but feels different - body, mind and soul back together again and with that more humour, joy and presence...in the moment hoorah!!

I cannot recommend homeopathy enough, if you feel stuck or a little out of sorts, carrying an illness that won't go away, emotions burdening the immune system, no clarity, not managing to move yourself forward in life, well give Lea Powell a call and be prepared to heal. 

We had a wonderful weekend,  a healing one then.  I loved teaching on Saturday morning before we went for a swim in the sea in the bright sunshine, the only ones on the beach, so special, breastfeeding Elijah while sitting on the pebbles and taking in the new shape of the beach post-storms and everything looking a little different.  I actually stayed in the water for almost a whole minute, Ewan for two!!!  We spent the afternoon walking on the cliffs, enjoying the beginning of Spring, all those daffodils and primroses, just love it.

Sunday was more walking, so lovely to be able to get out in the fresh air, before more yoga, swimming and  dinner at my folks, thank you Mum, what a joy not to cook fir a day!!

Spring is certainly on its way, so exciting, Lakshmi shining brightly, hoorah for the beauty that surrounds us each day.

With much love and gratitude.

x

Grace entering in

I am forever in awe of how life unfolds, the coincidences, or not, of how things come together with the power of clear intention.

I was reminded of this last weekend when we were in London on a family trip to treat Ewan's mum for her Christmas/birthday present.  I wasn't feeling my best - combination of hormones re-balancing, sleep deprivation and something playing on my mind, which meant I was also taking a homeopathic remedy - so it was with some joy that I got to spend the first evening walking from Kings Cross up to Primrose Hill with Elijah, on our own while Ewan and his Mum went to the opera.  Sometimes a good walk really does help to clear the head.

Sadly the walk didn't totally solve matters and that evening was not a great one for Elijah who woke every hour and by the morning I was feeling a touch shattered.  Still the highlight of that next day was the opportunity to practice Yoga at Triyoga in Primrose Hill.  The teacher invited us to make an intention for the class and I chose what felt right, but for the first time in a long, long time I found the class confronting for I was so tired that it really was an effort, and I felt that perhaps I had slipped backwards...which upon reflection, I had; my mind caught in the past and my body lost in time somewhere, spirit certainly not shining brightly.  But the class did of course encourage things to bubble closer to the surface...things the teacher said, poems read...funny how they all play a role in helping things become clearer.

We walked and walked that afternoon, along the canals to Little Venice, so beautiful, and then through Hyde Park and along South Bank before ending up in Covent Gardens for dinner, I just love rambling through London, so much to see and do. I was hoping that a day of activity would encourage Elijah to sleep better but sadly not, another sleep deprived evening left me feeling even more shattered the next day.

Still another highlight was a further class at TriYoga, another intention, this time to let go, surrender to it all and allow Grace to enter, wow, such power in any intention to let go.  Such a great class, incredible energy and teaching style, deep, deep into the hips and groins where all that emotion is held, a journey no less, as all good classes (for me) should be. So that at the end, lying in Savasana I had a release.  This hasn't happened for some time in a class, but the tears came and with that the beginning of the healing.

It takes a while of course for the healing to process.  I was all caught up in it the next day as the anger and frustration came to the surface, that's my story, the emotions that have defined me so much in the past, and up they come and out they ooze, the challenge not to get too attached to them or involved in them for really they are just passing through, and as they do, wow, the lightness as mind, body, soul come back together again and with that, the clarity and strength too.

Sometimes you have to break to be able to come back together again, and it is funny how things happen, the timing of people who come in and out of your life, the things that catch your attention, the readings, the crystals, the messages, they are all there, the angels work tirelessly in the background I have no doubt, and all I can do is bow down and give so much thanks for the manner in which Grace manifests.

Needless to say the shift in life brings a shift in my yoga practice too, the two are such a reflection of one another and I am so much enjoying embracing the new, inspired, devoted and much gratitude to Lakshmi, Goddess of beauty and abundance for shining the light so brightly in my face.

With much love

xx

Love is in the air!

Collective love in the air tomorrow, strong winds forecast and a full moon, what a fabulous end to the week!!  Time to dance in the moonlight and cleanse in the rain, give thanks to the Goddess of the Moon (so much power in this) and embrace the vibration of love to feel the heart buzz.  Here is some information  about this month's full moon, enjoy, enjoy, enjoy....http://us4.campaign-archive1.com/?u=bf3182281c10722c7eea99902&id=4f88689dde&e=eae0fe6be6

Love, love, love
xx

The Guest House

Elijah was off colour yesterday, I suspected he was teething but you can never be too sure, especially as he was super tired, super agitated and warm to the touch.  As soon as Mum saw him after lunch she insisted I take him to the doctor.

After booking the appointment, I had to leave Elijah with my Mum to go into the office for a meeting.  I managed to get myself quite flustered on the drive into town as I ran through worst case scenarios in my mind, meningitis or some other horrible condition...on and on so that I could feel my heart not only racing but also breaking just with the thought of anything happening to Elijah.  I could also feel the fear rising as my nervous system became much more alert and I was much more agitated and impatient than usual.  Really incredible mind-body reaction...after all it was simply my mind creating these feelings in my body!

The doctor gave him a good once over and concluded that yes, more than likely it is teething, but to continue to monitor him and take him back in if his condition does not change.  This is the first time in many, many years I have visited this doctor who also happens to be a homeopath and I was amused to see that she had a print-out of my favourite Rumi poem attached to the filing cabinet.  I am very fond of homeopathy, it really is wonderful and I was happy to receive a prescription for some homeopathic remedy which helps to alleviate the negative effects of teething.

The only downside to the whole visit was the question of vaccinations raising its ugly head again.  As I was told to do, I booked Elijah in for his first jabs at 8 weeks over a month ago now, but something about it sat uneasily with me and I was actually quite delighted when the doctor at that time told me to postpone the appointment due to Elijah suffering with congestion (common in little babies).  So I cancelled the appointment and have been waiting for some clarity before doing anything about re-booking.

I guess as it has been on my mind I have attracted people into my life who have provided an opinion.  Strangely, when we were in Glastonbury, quite by a chance a lady sitting at a table next to us in a café remarked on Elijah's cuteness and then told us not to vaccinate him as the vaccines are poisonous.  I took that as a sign that perhaps I was best to leave well alone.  Since then I have come across a few mothers who never vaccinated their children and the children are now teenagers and have never had any problems.

But of course the doctor, while understanding of my predicament, did suggest that one should vaccinate because the alternative of your baby or child ending up with some preventable disease that could hospitalise them is not worth thinking about.  And again the fear crept in, not helped because Elijah was ill, and the thought that if he did get seriously sick or even die from a preventable disease simply because of my reticence to vaccinate him, then how would I live with myself?  So I booked an appointment in a few weeks time, giving me more time to reflect.

In any event as Elijah was still under the weather later that evening and on the recommendation of the doctor, we gave him some calpol.  Now I have heard most parents talking about the wonders of calpol and I was intending to give it a wide berth but needs must and when your child is ill, you will do what you can to ease their pain.  And my gosh, within what felt like 2 minutes of giving it to him he was all of a sudden wide awake and back to his old self again.  I could not believe the turnaround and so quickly too.  Wow!! 

So it has been quite an experience this last 24 hours, a range of emotions in such quick succession and everything turning out ok in the end.  I am reminded how easy it is for fear to kick in, and how much our decision making is determined by the "what if?" scenario.  Mind you it is all very well having faith, but quite another to be blasé.  We will see, it does all become clear in time, especially if you put it out there and just let it come...patience, patience, patience.

Here is that beautiful Rumi poem:

The Guest House

 

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

-- Jelaluddin Rumi,
    translation by Coleman Barks

With many positive thoughts to those affected by the floods and with much gratitude for everything...

xx