Yoga in London

I am 18.5 weeks pregnant now and what a change these last few weeks.  16 weeks and the nausea began to subside but I was still so tired with iron deficiency, not unusual for a vegetarian pregnant lady, but a pest all the same!  I wasn't really showing back then, in fact 17 weeks and you probably wouldn't have known, but by 18 weeks, the bean has made his/her presence known to the outside world and is visible now - well the bump, not the bean per se!!

Thankfully the iron supplements seems to be working, perhaps too all the spinach I am eating, let alone the orange juice I am drinking to encourage absorption of the iron (the two work hand in hand you see), although my energy levels are not what they used to be.  Still with bump visible, life is not what it used to be, all of sudden the huge realisation that there is indeed a new life growing within me and boy, does my tummy feel like it is being stretched!

Not only that but my sacrum and pelvis have been slightly challenged by all the change, not least the physical change but mental and emotional too, so that the physical body has to adjust to the changing energy flow within the energetic body too.  Blows my mind!  Not that the headaches, such a shift produces are enjoyable, nor the slightly uneasy sensation of letting go and stepping into the world of the unknown, but still with the energy of the solstice and the super moon adding its weight, I have no doubt that me, you, us all will be feeling lighter and more centred and grounded by the end of this week.

I do find this pregnancy malarkey absolutely fascinating, first time around it is all so new to me.  It hadn't crossed my mind previously that you may feel the stomach stretching to accommodate the growing baby, nor that your diet would chop and change from mad cravings back to the usual way you ate before you got pregnant, nor the fact that the bump would really start to affect my ability to move on my mat in the usual way.  It is an absolutely amazing experience.

It has been an interesting few days.  All good intentions of visiting Hamstead Heath to celebrate the solstice never materialised as we spent much of the solstice stuck in Guernsey airport waiting for the fog to life.  Still when we did finally get away, we were able to enjoy a little sunshine from the city, quite literally, it was light so late!!  Next year Stonehenge, well that would be nice in any event, I would absolutely love to get my hands literally on those stones and feel all that Pagan energy.  I was hearted to read that they are grassing over the A road and re-introducing the original processional road - I just can't help thinking that you don't mess with stuff like that, so hoorah for our awakening and renewed respect of the Pagan landscape.

We were fortunate to be ungraded in our hotel, what a joy, just near St Paul's Cathedral so a relatively quiet spot on the weekends, bar all the tourists that is!  Typically I had chosen that spot for its proximity to the northern line, which would take me up to my Yoga course in angel very easily.  Only that on Saturday morning when we got to Bank station, we discovered that the northern line was closed for the weekend. I guess it is inevitable that there is always some obstacle on the spiritual path to test your loyalty to the cause,  Fortunately we happened to walk past a bus stop that serviced angel, hoorah, albeit that the bus took the convoluted route so that we were virtually running to the studio to get there on time - nothing worse than students being late and disrupting everyone!

The Yoga course was brilliant,  Julie Gudmestad, an Iyengar teacher, physiotherapist and Yoga therapist, is inspired.  This lady knows all there is to know about Yoga anatomy and physiology and how to teach that to others in a manner that is understandable.  There was many a "penny dropping" moment during the weekend as I "got" the reason we may do this or do that in our practice to create this or that result when working with people with and without injuries.

Saturday morning was very much a workshop based event, not taking and practical testing, downward facing dog, plank, all fours, locust pose, preparation for inversions essentially.  Saturday afternoon was all about inversions themselves, the wonderful handstand -one of my favourite poses - followed by headstand and shoulderstand.  Phew!  We did partner work, that was fun, and we took more notes and the time just flew past, 6 hours gone before you knew it!

Needless to say the trek back to the hotel was a little more challenging than intended what with the travel disruption but I am a massive fan of walking in London, enjoying the anonymity and the freedom.  Back at the hotel I was able to stretch out with a swim in the pool and a chill out in the bath before meeting E for dinner.

E had been having fun.  We are fans of Banksy art work and he had spent much of the day walking around London looking for his graffiti art with some success.  In fact there were remnants of the "Tesco bag" piece just near the Yoga studio so I got to go and see it myself on the Sunday morning.  It is a bit like looking for the post boxes on Dartmoor, just that this is looking for art work in a city, it gives you a purpose to your wanderings and makes you see things you wouldn't ordinarily notice as you are constantly scanning buildings for signs of his art work (helped by following the Banksy guide of course!).

The workshop on Sunday was a little trickier for me and the bean as it was all about core strength and arm balances.  The arm balances, on the whole, were fine, great in fact, the crow pose, firefly, and all sorts of other crazy stuff, not so the abdominal work, not to be encouraged while pregnant, but good to teach all the same!!  We worked the thighs too, lots of adductor work, now that isn't so much fun and overall, with it being the Iyengar tradition, I was very aware how easy it is to get so lazy in our practice and allow muscles to take the path of ease, without reworking such lazy patterns that can encourage injury. 

It makes so present and I have to say I was buzzing by the end of the Sunday morning, when I left to spend time with E. Together we pottered around angel, I love it up that way, so many vintage shops with Camden Passage and other small establishments.  We took the bus down to St Paul's and actually went into the Cathedral, as impressive as expected.  We also went to Waterloo to this road under the train station that has been dedicated to graffiti artists.  Banksy established it but none of his work exists there anymore, just tons of other stuff and lots of people there spending their Sunday afternoon spraying the walls.  I appreciate that it is their creative outlook but I am not so sure I get all that writing, but each to their own!

We got to London Bridge early for our train to Gatwick so we marched off at quite a pace along Tooley Street following a lead for another Banksy piece, only to find that it no longer exists, the wall that is, amazing how much things change.  At least we tried, talk about walking, I can barely move my legs today!!
We were back in Guernsey in time for the super moon, how beautiful was that, and how calming now it has passed, phew that was an intense one, encouraging quite some transformation, will be interesting to see how everything lands these next few weeks.  I am praying for some sunshine, it is about time!

So bean has experienced the first trip to London, in utero obviously, but all the same no doubt a seed has been sown, especially with all that lovely Yoga energy.  What a gift for us both, and what a gift the bean is too.  Thank you Mother of the Moon and thank you Julie G for such an inspiring and uplifting weekend helping to shift so many things - divine timing as ever, much gratitude.

xxxxxxx

Cherries!!

This is indeed a sight for sore eyes - the laden cherry tree.  What bliss.  One just has to have patience, a few more days to go until they are ripe and ready to eat, my little bean will be saturated in cherry energy for I shall no doubt eat far more than is necessary!!!  Nothing more wonderful than eating organic cherries from the tree.  Yum, yum, thank you wonderful parents for your green fingers and loving greenhouse energy!!

It has been a testing week, I'll be honest.  The weather has been pants, seriously is the best June can offer us?  And I have been feeling really tired, not enough iron, common in vegetarian pregnant ladies.  Still, classes have kept my spirit high, even if I have suffered with depleted energy levels the next day.

17 weeks yesterday and no longer feeling sick, hoorah, just tired.  Interestingly I find I really don't have much energy for socialising, by the end of the working day it is all I can do to make dinner and collapse on the sofa.  I have no idea how ladies do this with more than one child, I guess you adjust, as you do to most things in life.  Respect indeed, pregnancy has presented a complete shift in perception and an expansion in one's awareness.

Still, on the whole one cannot complain, I have a little magic bean growing inside of me, that is pretty amazing.  Interestingly I cannot feel his/her energy quite like I have done previously.  talking to a Reiki friend she made a valid point, our energy is becoming more entwined, so of course, his/hers won't stand out so much when I have a feel with my hands.  I heard the heart beat last week, now that is pretty amazing.  I can't wait to feel him/her kicking.  I really am blown away by this whole process of creation.

Mum and I watched a DVD called Orgasmic Birthing, this week, lent to me by my doula.  E was not the slightest bit interested, I suspect the whole birthing thing will come as quite a shock to him!  The thing is, this DVD and the books I have been reading, make one almost excited about the whole concept of birthing in terms of spiritual transformation ad empowerment as a woman.  Still, I am all too aware that sadly telling your birthing story is not the done thing these days, either it is perceived that you are gloating, or increasing the unnecessary fear.  Thankfully I do have some spiritual friends who are happy to share their positive birth experiences at home here in Guernsey.

Anyhow it is Friday and the sun is meant to shine, hoorah, bring it on, I am looking forward to a Vitamin D splurge and an opportunity to get my feet on the sand and maybe even in the sea, oh yes and maybe eat a cherry or two too!!

Happy weekend everyone.  Thank you to all those wonderful students who have helped to keep my spirits high this week too.

xxxxx

All things pass

The weather has been glorious the last few days, bright sunshine, what a joy, and the opportunity to practice Yoga in the garden amongst the daisies and the bumble bees.

Nature is abundant in colour these days, the garden is wonderful, thank you to my beautiful boyfriend for his green fingers and ability to embrace nature and enhance it as he does.  We have a daisy ring in the garden, a perfect place for my practice, sheltered in the corner, behind the wild grass ecosystem and the lupines, attracting all their bees and the peonies that are simply stunning in their bright colour.

We have been staying at the folks this weekend, on greenhouse and cat sitting duty.  It was has been wonderful actually to take to the West coast with its evening sunset light and the garden with all its trees and peaceful energy.  The greenhouse has begun producing loganberries and boysenberries and the cherry tree is laden - what a sight, I must take a photo as it won't look like that for long - I have died and gone to heaven, cherries are my favourite fruit and there they are, almost ripe for the picking.

The asparagus are in full abundance too, and the rocket, with so may other vegetables and fruits on their way soon.  Thank you Mum and Dad, it is quite some dream you are living there, hard work, as they tend to be!

Wonderful spiritual chatter with good friends these last few days, funny how the answers arrive to the questions that have been running through one's mind.  Sometimes we need to realise when it is time to stop searching outside of ourselves for our self, and turn inwards to our own wisdom instead.  Others can guide, prompt, inspired and enhance the light, but they cannot do the work for us, only we can really make the transformation and everlasting change in our own lives, with our own two hands, if that is indeed what we want.

And on the flip side, we can spend our whole life caretaking others, trying to help them to heal and to change, to see the light again, but there comes a time when we must realise that only that person who can make the difference in his/her life is that person, and what right do we have to conclude that that other person is not already perfect just as they are, warts and all.  For life is what it is.  We are who we are.  In the words of Max Ehrmann, "You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; You have a right to be here.And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should".

For those of you who have been feeling emotional and challenged these last few days, the new moon has now passed (as all things pass- the moon is a great reminder of this) and with it the winds have eased and the weather has changed, the dust will now settle and with it the peace will return.

Go gently, be at peace with your self.

xxx 

Keep peace with your soul.

What a joy to see the sun so much this week, such a relief to top up on vitamin D, amazing how much better is can make us feel after all the gloom over the last few months.

I am very excited by the later and lighter evenings too as we build up to the solstice in a few weeks time, how amazing!  I was fortunate (I think!!) to wake to see the sun rising yesterday morning, bright red/orange it was, quite incredible.  In fact the night before I had been fortunate to catch sunset from a friend's house too.  And actually now I think about it E and I saw the sunset behind Lihou on Tuesday too, sadly I forgot my camera, although maybe that is a good thing as you see it directly instead.  Still, the world is awash with beauty and abundance, just look at the gardens and the incredible Guernsey hedgerows, I am so proud to live on this wonderful Island, not so many places you can so easily see the sun rise and sun set over the sea in the same day.

Last night we had the most incredible storm that has cleared the air and changed the energy a little, good timing too as it is a new moon tomorrow, Capricorn too, read here for an insight from Rebekah Shaman...http://us4.campaign-archive1.com/?u=bf3182281c10722c7eea99902&id=8496c96f1b&e=eae0fe6be6

I am 16 weeks pregnant now and feeling much better, the sickness has eased and while my energy levels are a little challenged due to a iron deficiency (common in pregnant ladies, especially vegetarian ones), I am feeling much better, hoorah, and with the sun shining and flowers blossoming, life is good, especially as it is soon the weekend!!!

It has been a wonderful week of Yoga, I have been inspired by so many of the students who come to class, such commitment and patience and humour too.  Thank you everyone.

Some of you may have seen this before, or read it on the facebook page, but I thought I would share it here as I just love it...do keep peace with your soul...

 Desiderata by Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Have a lovely weekend, enjoy the bounties of nature and the sunshine.

xxxx

Helping the spirit to shine!

 

A few of us stayed behind after class one Thursday recently to discuss the joys, or not, of the dreaded morning sickness and one lady said to me that she just awoke one morning in her second trimester and just felt amazing, no sickness and tons of energy, as if she could do anything.  Well I have been taking much strength from her comments and waiting for that day to arrive, the much talked about honeymoon period!

I think we are almost there.  I was fortunate to enjoy a Reiki session on Friday (thank you Jo) and this seems to have helped enormously in shifting things a little, so that I feel almost human again, still tired, but the sickness has eased, hoorah!!  Had helped me to feel brighter too, not that I realised I wasn’t feeling bright, but Reiki certainly helps to balance the energy and leaves one feeling mentally, physically and spiritually cleaner and clearer somehow.  It is just such a wonderful energy and the baby is certainly enjoying his/her daily Reiki that I do throughout the day!!

I was able to do a full practice in the garden on Saturday too, now that was a joy, in the sunshine with the daisies adorning the lawn and the simple sounds of the many birds playing around in these lanes, it makes you feel so pleased to be alive, connected, grounded and part of the bigger whole.  Just to be able to move one’s body and breathe with awareness without feeling sick is a miracle too, so there really has been a shift, hoorah, and with the summer ahead it is all rather exciting.

We even managed to make the most of the sunshine and went over to Herm on Sunday.  How wonderful to finally get to sunbathe on the beach on my own, while E and his Mum went for a long walk around the Island.  I do so love Herm, it has its own special energy and indeed microclimate, so that you feel you are truly getting away from it all (despite the crowds of people!) and getting some much needed sun and Vitamin D in the process.  Can’t wait to camp over there next time.

 

A really lovely midwife visited at 12 weeks, just after we got back from Thailand.  Admittedly there was an awful lot of fear in a lot of the information presented to me, but at least one has a choice, and one is supported in home birthing over here too...inevitably there is a criteria to meet, but the  home birthing option is on the increase, so this can only be good for those who want to stay at home.

I admit it was all a little overwhelming back then, scans and tests and all sorts of things of things to consider, let alone one’s actual birthing options.  I have read extensively the last few weeks, Sarah Buckley, Ina May and Pam England, as well as speaking to some friends who have given birth in Guernsey at home and I feel a little more confident and comfortable in my own choices.  It really has been eye opening though, and I am amazed about the level of fear that exists in childbirth and indeed childbearing too.

I can’t help thinking how incredible it is that women have managed to give birth to so many babies over the years and populated the world as much as they have, given all the supposed medical risks that come with bearing and birthing of a child.  Personally I have never viewed birthing as a medical procedure, although I am only too aware that some women do require the intervention of the medical profession to ensure that their babies and indeed they survive the whole experience unscathed. 

I could waffle on here for some time about all I have learned and my opinion as things stand, but I have also learnt that pregnancy and birthing are a very subjective and personal experience that needs to sit comfortably with each lady, and while I am fully supportive of tapping into the spiritual experience of both, I appreciate that not everyone is on this earth feels the same way as me, we are all different and each here to live our lives in our own ways.  As long as we make informed, conscious decisions about the choices we are making for ourselves, our babies and our families, then that can only help to encourage more harmony in the world.

And this leads me on to a couple of conversations I have had this week with a few different friends that have all, essentially, revolved around the subject of loving oneself and the manner in which this lack of love for oneself plays such a huge role in our experience of life.

 

It is really rather common, I have some experience having spent much of my twenties and my early thirties not liking myself.  It was like having a parrot on each shoulder, the good one and the bad one, more often than not you don’t get to hear the good one for the bad one is so loud and vocal in telling you how stupid, ugly, fat, waste of space, useless person etc that you are.    Like you are never good enough, not good enough for that job, for that boyfriend, for that house, for that way of living, on and on and on and on.  It is exhausting, truly exhausting.

It makes me almost laugh now really, to think that that bad voice, the dark side of the ego, can have such a control.  It manifests in all sorts of ways, eating disorders, not extreme necessarily but enough to spend time, day in day out, obsessing about food and how you feel about yourself, giving yourself away too easily to others, beating yourself up constantly, compulsive disorders, living lives that are not true to you or indeed your nature, killing yourself softly inside.

It is a tricky place to be, this place where the dark side has taken root, so that you cannot hear the soft whisperings of your heart, your soul then, the angels that are trying to pull you out and show you the light.  Sometimes the pain is so deep that you just cannot let it go.  It defines you.  You become your pain.  You can numb it of course, eat too much, drink too much alcohol, smoke, take drugs – legal and illegal, work too hard, all sorts of addictions but it is still there, deep down, eating away at you inside.

You can see it in people, those who have lost their way, some more than others, there is a darkness, a blackness, a lot of black clothes actually, hiding away, insignificant, no joy to share, no colour in the world, the world has failed you somehow, God, the angels, the Universe, what a load of rubbish all that is.  Sunken hearts, rounded shoulders, inability to maintain eye contact, heavy energy, anxiety, depression, negativity, scattered thinking, restlessness, tiredness, constant illness on and on.

There is a separation between body and mind, here is my body, here is mind, here is the world, all; separate from one another, alone, drifting, somewhere.  No connection.  I have been there, to some dark places where the voice has been strong. And now, I wonder how it can be that we can experience such disconnectedness.  It is no surprise when we are there that we almost give up on life, living, some do actually, give up, give in.

Asked how one finds their way back, well it is difficult to say, because we are all so different and what works for me may not work for others.  Our experiences that have created the voice inside are different too, what we are dealing with is personal in its story, but then perhaps the story isn’t important, for often we can get stuck there, in that story, with all its blame and anger and frustration and resentment, which doesn’t help anyone to move forward – it does us no favours to stay stuck in the past.

Yoga has helped enormously in my life – postures, breathing, meditation, mudras, chanting, Yoga Nidra, all sorts of techniques and practices.  By its very nature, it helps one to recognise and indeed experience the connection of mind and body,  the thwo are so interconnected that it seems strange to me to think of them being separate, as if you could separate them!.  Further, Yoga helps to lead us back to the heart of the matter, to our heart and to the heart of the world – our spirit then.  It seems to me that this is the bit we really forget, perhaps because we don’t understand it, or are fearful of it, our soul, its there, no dogma, why be scared?

As I healed so I heard the whisperings of my heart, my soul, with its wisdom and guidance, its knowingness.  As I healed so the colour returned to life, so I ditched the black and sought colour and light, so the world was full of beauty, of life, everything became clearer, brighter, connected and of course there was support, from the earth, from the Universe, from all the earth angels around us.  It really can be so magical, this world we live in.

Reiki helped me enormously too, the lovely universal energy of unconditional love, helping to heal the pains from the past, awakening the heart space, balancing the imbalances within, quietening the voice from the darkness of the solar plexus so that I could actually hear the heart again.  Others find reflexology, massage, crystal therapy, acupuncture, all sorts of holistic treatments.  Homeopathy and Ayurveda were hugely helpful to me too, not least for the opportunity to talk and hear the words you are saying said back to you but also for the remedies and herbs that help to shift things energetically.

There are books, Louise Hay, Doreen Virtus, Brandon Bays, Deepak Chopra, Dalai Lama, Pemba Chrodron, Marianne Williamson, Caroline Myss, Eckhart Tolle and on and on.  Buy some rose quartz and amethyst, bring them into your environment, get out in nature, sit quietly, hear the birds, watch the sea breaking onto the shore, get your feet in water and allow them to sink into the earth, watch the sun set and rise the following morning, speak to trusted friends and family.

Of course you need to want to help yourself first.  You need to want to get out of that place where we blame others for what is not working in our lives and within ourselves.  We need to take responsibility for the self and for our own healing.  We need to forgive – “Let go of anger and resentment, and feel yourself healed.  You don’t need to forgive the action, just the person – so that you can be at peace” (Doreen Virtue).

You will find that asking for help is sometimes all it takes, an acceptance then.  And once you have asked for help – to the Universe, to the space you are sitting in – be open to receiving it.  You will notice help immediately, books may literally jump out at you, earth angels will present themselves, look out for coincidences (there is no such thing), signs, do not ignore things that happen three times, notice the white feathers and the robins, which will start appearing for these are all guides, helping you to realise that you are not alone, that you are supported, you are on the path.

Perhaps we need to learn to love and accept the self as it is, all over again, unconditionally.  They say, how is it possible to ever love others if we have not yet learned to love the self?  Perhaps better to say, how can we love and accept others unconditionally until we have learned to love and accept ourselves unconditionally first.  It is not easy, that dark voice does not drop away over night, but slowly, slowly, it dims, and the light grows brighter instead and eventually the light overshadows the darkness and you catch yourself before the darkness has a chance to ever take root again.

There is this beautiful angel card, one of Doreen Virtue’s that reads;

“Sometimes it seems that our thoughts choose us, but this is never the case.  We always choose our thoughts – every moment.  Our thoughts always have an effect, and there are no neutral thoughts.  One-half second before you hold a thought, you decide to hold it.  So, with practice, you can learn to monitor and alter your thoughts.  This is the equivalent of putting your hands on the steering wheel of your life.  You may believe that your concentration abilities are impaired, yet the infallible mind of God is within your own mind.  You can experience remarkable feats of concentration by affirming “I am now able to focus my mind at will.  I hold only loving thoughts, and my angels act as my gatekeepers in establishing a steady stream of thoughts of love”.

There is so much more I could say, about planting seeds and samskara and healing those deep grooves, the habitual thinking and behaviour patterns, how essentially one does need to transform, but really it is simple, you must try and listen to the heart, allow it to guide you to people, places, treatments, earth angels, to those who can help you back on the path and into the light again and you must not buy into negative thinking, or give up when the going gets tough.

For it will get tough, there will be obstacles and red herrings, but they are there to make you stronger, to help to strengthen then the connection you have to the self, to the world, to the Universe as a whole.  And you will be supported, you only have to ask for help and be willing to accept it when it presents itself to you.  You are worthy, you do deserve to feel wonderful, happy, whole, healed, to enjoy your life and be present within it.

I shall leave you with this wonderful poem by Marianne Williamson,

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Enjoy the sunshine and let the spirit shine! xxx