Cats: how they have changed my world!

I have always loved cats.  My first cat was called P.C. because I was only little at the time and "puddy cat" was the best I could do so the folks shortened the name to P.C.  he was a lovely grey moggie who I used to dress in my doll's clothes and push around in my doll's pram.  When he got old and was unable to move so easily I made him a ramp so he could walk up onto my bed as jumping had become a little challenging for him.  I was devastated when he had to out to sleep when I was about 13 years old.  That is one of the only times I have ever seen my Dad cry for he loved that cat too.

With his passing the only way to console us was to invest in a new cat.  We wanted another grey cat and the only way to guarantee one was to go pedigree.  This was rather exciting for I had wanted a British Blue for some time.  So Mum found a breeder in Jersey and we signed up for a kitten.  The kitten was born on Christmas Day and while we had to wait a few months before it was able to come over to us in Guernsey, Dad and I went to Jersey twice to see her when she was little.

We had actually asked for a boy, but she turned out to be a girl and the breeder was quite keen to breed her.  We sent her over to Jersey when she was of the right age but she went ballistic when the male cat was put into her cage.  We regretted very much sending her over as that whole experience, not least the male cat, but also another inter-Island flight, didn't do much to help soothe her nerves.  She was always a little bit highly strung but wonderful with the immediate family and we loved her very much.  She was called Ashe and she was my best friend during my teen age years.

Going to University was upsetting for both of us.  Mum had stripped my bed and she went into mourning thinking I had died.  I missed her hugely while I was away and was always so excited to see her again when I came home in the holidays.  And of course from then on, we always made sure to leave my bedding, and therefore my smell, in the house when I had gone.  These days you can Skype your pets when you are at Uni, you can even put them on facebook and receive regular updates, how times have changed!!

When I was about 26 I bought a house with my brother and we moved in together leaving Ashe with my parents.  Life was very different back then.  I was a professional working my way up the career ladder in the fiduciary world.  I smoked and drank wine regularly to ease the stress of it all (or so I thought, of course it is counter productive!).  I spent most of my spare time playing sport.  I was a county and regional netball player as well as playing local club.  I also played club and Island level volleyball, as well as enjoying regular swimming and squash.  Despite all this I was deeply insecure, hormonally imbalanced, and a bit of a lost soul.

It is difficult to remember the sequence of events but I took a sabbatical and went off travelling around the world when I was 27.  I only lasted 5 months as I finally left a dark and destructive relationship while I was living and working in New Zealand and fled back home to Guernsey.  That was a really dark time in my life and I lived with my parents for a few months as I tried to gain a grip on myself again.  I started running with a  friend (amazing how healing running can be and how it moves you literally from A to B in your life) and that was really a turning point, not least the opportunity to run away from what I had left behind, but also the time to think and reflect and work out all that anger and frustration, let alone the healing benefits of exercise and being outside in nature.

We ended up signing up for the London Marathon and so that winter was spent running!  I had moved back into my house by then and met a wonderful man who was really my knight in shining armour and I shall always be indebted to him for his kindness.  Work was going well, I had thrown myself into it, and when I was given a bonus I decided it was time to bring some cats into my life.  Not sure why, I just had one of those feelings.  So I researched and found a breeder in Kent and ordered myself two male British Blue kittens.

Now this was the strangest thing - or not, as these things are never as strange as you think - I decided to call them Alfie and Bertie after my grandfathers.  My brother came with me to collect them from the airport, these two balls of grey fluff meowing in their box, and we discovered that their pedigree names were Alfius and Bertius.  Now how weird is that!  So they were meant to be, a gift from above there is no doubt.

One of them, Bertie, had a beard.  I jest not.  He had this pointy beard and as a result he was £50 cheaper than Alfie, who could have been a full on show cat as he is so typically "British Blue". They were just such lovely cats each with very different personalities.  Bertie, our wizard cat, the one with the beard, was so friendly and giving and incredibly hapless too.  It was nerve wracking at times, once he got his back paw caught in the top of the radiator and was hanging from it when I rescued him.  Then another time he jumped into the bath by accident, full of water as it was.  Another time he got a plastic bag caught around his head and was running around the house like a lunatic.  He was definitely using up his 9 lives very quickly that first year!

Alfie on the other hand was a very nervous cat and I had to work really hard to try and get him to come out of his shell.  He very much lived in the shadow of Bertie and was very selective about who he allowed to touch him, I guess he is shy really.  Still, he was also lots of fun, just not quite as hapless as Bertie!!

There is no doubt those cats came into my life for a reason, into my brother's life too actually.  Cats have this ability to help heal, not least by their very nature, but just stroking them can have such a calming effect and they can really touch the heart and reveal it again.  Combined with all the running and the knight in shining armour, the guardian angels were indeed working hard using all these earth angels to move my life on, get me back on my real path.  It is perhaps therefore, no surprise, that a few months after getting the cats and a few months after running the marathon, that my brother and I started attending Vanessa Lasenby's yoga classes.  And as soon as we started we were both fairly hooked.  Little did we know how much our lives were about to change.

It was about this time that I also discovered Carol Champion and nutrition, and Alyssa Burns-Hill and Reiki.  The combined effect of good nutrition, Reiki sessions and the Yoga certainly helped to change my perspective on life(and heal) and within the year I had left my full time job, sold the house and bought a ticket to go - strangely as I didn't know it was such a Yoga mecca - to Byron Bay Australia, which I had visited about 5 years previously and felt drawn to visit again. My brother had also gone through some change and was also off travelling before moving to the UK to live with his girlfriend back then. 

As for the cats, well my parents were happy to have them move in with them.  So that is exactly what happened, the cats settled with Ashe (who sadly never quite got over having her house invaded by two younger male cats) and Ross and I went off travelling.  Strangely, or not, as these things never are, within a month of us travelling and the day before Ross joined me in Byron Bay, Bertie was killed by a car in our quiet clos near Vazon.  It was the most unfortunate of things because we had lived in town with the cats previously and the traffic there as far worse than the slow moving cars in ur clos, but it was obviously meant to be.  My parents were devastated, my Dad particularly as he had established a relationship with Bertie at that stage and was there when it happened.

The folks felt really responsible but there really was no need.  I have no doubt that that wonderfully giving and magical wizard cat came into our lives to move us from A to B.  And here we were both of us now in Byron Bay and his work was done.  of course we didn't realise back then how much Byron was going to shape our lives.  For me it was the beginning of many trips to the town, undertaking my Yoga teacher training course as well as attending an enormous amount of classes and doing a brief apprenticeship of sorts with an experienced teacher based in the town.  My brother also ended up doing his teaching training there and met his Australian girlfriend with whom he now has a little girl and they all live together just a little bit out of town.  So of course my folks have now also travelled to Byron a number of times and E and I will no doubt continue to return over the years.

Back here in Guernsey the folks contacted the breeder and they bought the sister of Alfie and Bertie who the breeder had kept to breed.  So when I returned to Guernsey from that first trip, I met Bumble Bee, the incredibly giving and happy go lucky sister of Alfie and Bertie.  Alfie has changed over the years, adjusting to being the centre of attention after Bertie's demise and also terrorising his sister when he is bored!  As for Bumble, she is such a cute cat, sadly has an eye problem and we have flown in a private plane to the UK with her to get her eye treated properly at a specialist cat eye clinic outside of London.  The things we do for our pets!!!

Anyhow, over 3 years ago now I moved in with E in St Andrews leaving my cats with my parents - my parents are besotted and would be bereft without those cats!  And not long after I moved in a black and white fluffy cat started coming into the house. E discouraged her initially but over time he got used to her coming in and started stroking her and making friends with her.  And then to cut a long story short we started looking after her.  She had lots of ticks and was scrawny and flea ridden, so we fed her, de-ticked her, de-flead her and de-worked her.  Three years on and Flufster, as we call her, basically lives with us.  She does have an owner, the son of one of our neighbours who no long lives at home, and over the years she has moved from house to house, so that she actually has 3 names - Rocco, Sweep and Flufster.  rather funny really!!  We live near the Baliff and rumour has it she has been caught sleeping on his bed!!

I love the Flufster cat, she is her own person, does her own thing, not scared of other cats and can be very giving.  There is no doubt that she came into our lives for a reason as so much has changed during the last 3 years and E loves having animals back in his life after years without them.  One should never underestimate the positive influence of pets in people's lives.

All was well and good, we were all settled, baby on the way, nice calm house, lovely.  And then E's brother and sister-in-law moved to Australia with Specsavers about 3 weeks ago now for  a 2 year contract, and prior to leaving they were desperate to find someone to take in their cat, a 6 year old Bengal cat called Bazza.  We didn't like to think of him being left on his own to go feral so E agreed that we would take him in.  Oh what a decision that was!

Bazza did not like moving in with us.  He is half Asian leopard and a hunting cat and being locked in my Yoga room with all those crystals and incense was not doing it for him.  Those first few days were awful.  He could smell Flufster and he roared and hissed and was really rather scary.  We let him into our main living space and on the occasions that Flufster was also there he became inconsolable so that E actually had to wear gloves to move him back into the Yoga room.  Upon reflection the poor thing was super confused, he didn't know that his family had gone to live the other side of the world.

Five days into having him it was a full moon and he was beside himself to get out and I was beside myself to let him out as he was disrupting the whole calmness of the house so we put butter on his paws as you are told to do and let him into the garden.  Big mistake!  We didn't see him again for 5 days.  He only managed to find his way back to his old house a good couple of miles away.  How do cats do this, it is incredible!!  We had a feeling that was where he was headed so we left some flyers around the area and a kind neighbour called to say how sorry they were to hear that he was missing and that they missed him for he kept the vermin population under control in the area.  She seemed to think he would be better living feral in the area.  In fact I had decided I also thought he would be better living feral in the area, especially if he was that territorial.

Still it was not meant and while he did go back to his old house and the new residents gave him some tuna, he didn't stick around and 5 days after leaving us E got a call from the animal shelter saying he had been found in Torteval, what a wander indeed!!!  So E had to go and collect him and I came home that night almost a little disappointed to find him back in the Yoga room again!  This time though, things  would be different.  We were no longer scared of him nor going to put up with his roaring and hissing, which is essentially a front for the fact that he is a bit of a scaredy cat underneath it all.  He had to fit in with us and not us with him - good training for the change of parenthood perhaps!!

Nine days in and he is really getting quite irritated that he cannot go outside.  But progress has been made, he purrs a lot and enjoys being stroked and fussed over.  Both he and Flufster can now be in the same room, although she does tease him a little and he still hisses at her, and I wouldn't like to leave them alone unaccompanied just yet.  He is really rather entertaining, although I must admit it took me a while to find the entertaining side to his actions last night.

I came home from an 8 hour day in the office and had half an hour before I had to head to teach again and was looking forward to sitting on my mat for 10 minutes.  But alas it was not meant to be for Bazza had managed to push the wicker basket off the top of the washing machine, spilling its contents all over the floor, shredding a toilet roll, slicing open the bags of dried cat food and spreading their contents all over the floor.  Sigh.  I left E to clear it all up and went off to Yoga instead, which of course helped me to realise the funny side to it all by the time I returned home again!!

The animal shelter have told us we have to keep him in for 5 weeks. However I suspect he will have done quite a bit of claw related damage by then so we may have a bash this weekend and accompany him into the garden this time.  I'll let you know how we get on!!

It does make me laugh how cats come in and out of our lives and what they bring to it with their timing.  A year ago we were footloose and fancy free and now here we are, E and I, two cats and a baby on the way.  Life will indeed never be the same again - and that is the point isn't it, change is always a good thing, even better when it happens and we just have to get on and deal with it.

Happy Halloween - the night of cats on broomsticks, happy flying this evening!

xxxxx

Necessary healing...of course it is all about the practice

"Many people first come to spiritual practice hoping to skip over their sorrows and wounds, the difficult areas of their lives.  They hope to rise above them and enter a spiritual realm full of divine grace, free from all conflict.  Some spiritual practices actually do encourage this and teach ways of accomplishing this through intense concentration and ardour that brings about states of rapture and peace.  Some powerful yogic practices can transform the mind.  While such practices have their value, an inevitable disappointment occurs when they end, for as soon as practitioners relax in their discipline, they again encounter all the unfinished business of the body and the heart that they had hoped to leave behind....True maturation on the spiritual path requires that we discover the depth of our wounds: our grief from the past, unfulfilled longing, the sorrow that we have stored up during the course of our lives.  As Achaan Chah put it, "If you haven't cried deeply a number of times, your meditation hasn't really begun".  This healing is necessary is we are to embody spiritual life lovingly and wisely.  Unhealed pain and rage, unhealed traumas from childhood abuse or abandonment, become powerful unconscious forces in our lives.  Until we are able to bring awareness and understanding to our old wounds, we will find ourselves repeating their patterns of unfulfilled desire, anger, and confusion over and over again" (Jack Kornfield).

I love what Jack Kornfield says, for it resonates so much with my own experience.  I appreciate we are all different however and all have our own experiences, so sharing is as good as it gets.  It really is all about the practice.

Many people have asked me lately if I am still practicing while pregnant, which I find an interesting question, for the fact I am pregnant should not really change anything, in so much of life is a practice, pregnancy is a practice, and yes, I still also get on my mat to practice.  In fact pregnancy has provided a wonderful opportunity to learn so much more about the conditioning and patterns of one's life, of the need to let go to re-create and allow new energy into life, of patience, oh yes, lots of patience, and of course of one's attitude, armour and "reaction" to change.  It is marvellous and I am grateful for each moment of this rather incredible journey and opportunity to work on myself and try and be a better person.

I only have a few weeks to go now, this is my last week of teaching for I am noticing that my energy levels are more challenged than normal and I am drawn more to retreating.  Which is perhaps not surprising as Mercury is retrograde and we should all be retreating a little, spiritually at least, so we can allow the effects of the last few months sink in.  This is certainly not a time for beginning new projects, instead we should take a back seat for a while, at least until 10th November when Mercury is no longer retrograde.

There are big storms on the way, yet another opportunity to stay centred as the storm blows off all that excess energy around us.  No doubt it will create all sorts of confusion - as Mercury retrograde does - but perhaps we will feel much clearer when it has all passed.  I, for one, am looking forward to pinecome hunting thereafter, should be quite a few fallen over the next few days, nothing quite like foraging for the winter fire, nature's gift from a stormy day.

It will be interesting to see what happens when the wind gets up the cat's tail.  We have taken in a Bengal cat who is struggling to adjust to his new home and our existing cat (who is not the slightest bit perturbed by all the hissing and growling).  But more on that another time.

With much gratitude...and happy practicing.

xxx

Discovering wisdom and joy - full moon passing

 

 

"Every spiritual life entails a succession of difficulties because every ordinary life also involves a succession of difficulties, what the Buddha described as the inevitable sufferings of existence. In a spiritually informed life, however, these inevitable difficulties can be the source of our awakening, of deepening wisdom, patience and compassion. Without this perspective, we simply bear our sufferings like an ox or a foot soldier under a heavy load. Like the young maiden in the fairy tale "Rumpelstiltskin" who is locked in a room of straw, we often do not realize that the straw all around us is gold in disguise. The basic principle of spiritual life is that our problems become the very place to discover wisdom and love". Jack Kornfield.

I can relate to this entirely, for me life  - like so many I am sure - has provided many difficulties, which have served as opportunities for awakening and discovering more wisdom and indeed love.  This pregnancy has not been without its on going challenges and there have been many moments when I have had to laugh in the face of despair at the manner in which the opportunities for growth - in a spiritual and heart-felt level - have presented themselves to me. The very fact I have not been able to numb myself through alcohol or running away, has been a blessing in terms of the awareness I have instead been able to gain.

Like many others I have spent much of my life trying to avoid difficulties and running away from them when they do appear, and yet now I see how much we should welcome them into our lives for the messages, teachings and experience they provide.  Whether others can sense a change I do not know, but I feel a change within me, especially this last year, with all the challenges E and I have faced to try to make dreams into realities.

Reading Jack Kornfield's book, "A Path with Heart" has been a joy, the timing has been impeccable as these usually are and I have taken much comfort from his words.  He writes:

"The Tibetan Buddhist tradition instructs all beginning students in a practice called Making Difficulties into the Path.  This involves consciously taking our unwanted sufferings, the sorrows of our life, the struggles within us and the world outside, and using them as a ground for nourishment of our patience and compassion, the place to develop grater freedom and our true Buddha nature.  Difficulties are considered of such great value that a Tibetan prayer recited before each step of practice actually asks for them:

Grant that I may be given appropriate difficulties and sufferings on this journey so that my heart may be truly awakened and my practice of liberation and universal compassion may be truly fulfilled. In this spirit, the Persian poet Rumi writes about a priest who prays for thieves and muggers on the streets.  Why is this?

Because they have done me such generous favours.
Every time I turn back towards the things they want
I run into them. They beat me ad leave me
in the road, and I understand again, that what they want
is not what I want.
Those that make you return, for whatever reason,
to the spirit, be grateful to them.
Worry about the others who give you
delicious comfort that keeps you from prayer."

It is so true, as ever Rumi is an inspired soul, awakened indeed. 

I find this all rather fascinating actually, especially when it comes to the world of teaching Yoga and witnessing the energy of students and their comings and goings from class.  Some are very committed, making an appearance week in and week out.  Others come when they need the support and then drop off when life sorts itself out again, some come and then find that it is all too much, the spiritual side, the time with themselves, the awakening, that they turn their back and go to sleep again, and others more, just can't seem to break through the door, despite being drawn, time and time again.

For many years I have wanted to make it better for people, to take away their pain, but I have learnt over the years that you cannot take away others pain, you can not remove their difficulties and their sufferings, caretaking for them so that actually you end up exhausting yourself (and on an extreme, as I have witnessed with a number of holistic practitioners, focusing all your energy on trying to save others so you don't have the time to look at your own pain and suffering) in the process.  No, that doesn't work, not in the long term, we have to do the work ourselves, we have to sit with our pain and suffering.

That is not to say I cannot help.  We can all help on some level.  Just being there can help.  As can teaching Yoga and sharing what we may have learned from our own life experiences, from the difficulties we have faced, from the practices we have learned that may help to ease and indeed let go of the pain.  Yoga.  That's my thing.  Yoga has been transforming for me on so many levels.  Healing.  Inspiring.  Awakening.  Energising. It has opened up a whole new bright, wonderful  world to me.  I want to share it with everyone, to help everyone to feel this sense of connectedness to self and to the greater whole.  But everyone has their way, and it is not my place to preach or judge or push onto someone else.

It has been a busy time and I am delighted that the Aries full moon has now passed and we are waning down.  It is a lovely time of release and letting go, a gentle energy that means I can now sleep!!  It was a powerful moon and I would encourage you to read all about it - there is a link through the "Beinspired Yoga" facebook page.  Really fascinating for me as I can see so clearly how many people's lives are in tune with the moon's energy, which means we all have quite an exciting few months ahead to the end of the year.  Change really is happening, on quite a deep level too.

As the full moon wanes, so too am I!  With 4 weeks to go until the bean is due I am intending to start calming down my responsibilities so that I can retreat a little before our life truly changes. The nursery is almost ready, I spent much of this week putting together furniture and shifting things, not sure my back appreciated it, we even have a baby friendly car now, it is all coming together!  The bean is really rather active, but then so was I in utero and actually not much has changed, so I am preparing myself for many energetic years ahead!  We shall see.  It is difficult to now how it will be, one just go with the flow.  We are both longing to take flight and hope the bean is a traveller too, Nepal is calling more than ever, but one has to be realistic about travelling to Asia with a little bean in tow.

Here in Guernsey we managed a few dips in the sea the last few days, gosh it is warmer than one expects, lovely high tides at Petit Bot, no one else around, nude changing, just love the sense of freedom.  Car cleaning, nesting in the house, autumn tidying, and making space for the new to come in.  So let us see what this week brings in the aftermouth of the Aries full moon, all rather exciting.

With love and much gratitude.

xx

Commitment to the spiritual practice

While reading Jack Kornfield's book, "A Path with Heart", I came across this wonderful paragraph that resonated immediately with me for it is not only something I have experienced for myself but something I witness repeatedly in the Yoga teaching world:

"Spiritual work requires sustained practice and commitment to look very deeply into ourselves and the world around us to discover what has created human suffering and what will free us from any manner of conflict. We must look at ourselves over and over again in order to learn to love, to discover what has kept our hearts closed, and what it means to allow our hearts to open. If we do a little of one kind of practice and a little of another, the work we have done in one often doesn't continue to build as we change to the next. It is as if we were to dig many shallow wells instead of one deep one. In continually moving from one approach to another, we are never forced to face our own boredom, impatience, and fears. We are never brought face to face with ourselves. So we need to choose a way of practice that is deep and ancient and connected with our hearts, and then make a commitment to follow it as long as it takes to transform ourselves".

It is something I have touched on before, this need for commitment to one way, to sit and deal with the pain, rather than flitting around from one way to another way, to another way, to another way, seeking happiness but never really getting to the depth of the matter so that transformation on that deeper level never really takes place and happiness is still this concept of being out there, if only we could find the right therapist, right Yoga class, right holistic treatment, right diet, you know all those things that we chop and change so easily.

Diet is a huge one.  I have lost count of the number of times I hear people changing their diets, that this new diet is definitely the one for them, they lose a little bit of weight and then their ingrained habits start coming back again and their weight is back to where it was, or perhaps it a little heavier, and there is confusion about what they should be eating because nothing seems to work, and perhaps there is actually something wrong with them and with that depression sinks in, as one judges oneself for lack of willpower, lack of ability to stick to something, you know, that internal narrative that never ends.

At the end of the day we need to go deeper.  We need to address our core beliefs in terms of our relationship to food.  We need to understand the reason we make the food choices we do and be mindful, therefore, in doing so.  Of course yoga helps this process enormously, not only by helping us to be more in touch with ourselves, but encouraging mindfulness and also helping to transform and heal the core beliefs so that we become that little more conscious of the choices we are making the reason for those choices.

But it can be tough.  On a deeper level, beyond the physical practice itself, yoga encourages us to face ourselves truthfully, and sometimes that hurts.  We don't always want to be reminded of who we really are.  But essentially it is only by doing so that we can make long term changes and step a little closer to that concept of happiness.  Inner happiness of course.  Let us not forget that it is ALL about what is going on, on the inside.  If you feel centred, whole, complete and happy on the inside then the chances are, your life (and experience of life) will be reflective of this on the outside too.

It is only by committing that we can ever hope to make the long lasting change that we may seek.  Be that commitment to one diet, to one therapist, to one treatment, or simply to a regular yoga practice.  And more often than not, that is where the issue lies, in committing in the first place for there are a zillion reasons to not do so - we are tired, busy, too much going on, need to do this or that to ourselves before we can begin.  Of course this is all rubbish.  Like anything in life it is about taking that first step and just getting on with it...and remembering to laugh, let us not forget that, it is after all a path with a heart:-)

And on that note I am going to take myself to the beach for a morning wake up swim in the sea before getting on my mat, sitting, and practicing being still for a little bit!!

With much love and gratitude.

x

A weekend of relative creativity

Busy, busy, busy. Well that is how the last few days have been!  I am hoping for a more restful week ahead, balancing the yin and yang!

I guess the nesting instinct has kicked in.  This weekend found us finally getting around to putting some flower boxes together to brighten the front of the cottage.  I am very drawn to red at the moment, Autumnal colour of course and no doubt there is some grounding attraction in there too.  Funny how we do get drawn to particular colours at particular time sin our lives.

Before I discovered Yoga, when I was a lost soul, I used to wear black all the time, covering myself up, disappearing into the background.  That was one of the most significant shifts for me, especially with all the Reiki training and its heart opening nature - let alone the Yoga - that all of a sudden black did not feel right anymore and finally colour came into my life again.

In those earlier Reiki days pink was the focus, no surprise really, given that it is the colour of the heart, I just couldn't wear enough of the stuff.  Then there was the purple stage when I guess my third eye was opening again.  And then blue, lots and lots of blue, communication, before a brief spell with green, more healing, and white when I was feeling virtuous and pure, the world was full of angels, no coincidence perhaps that I had spent 40 days undertaking a kundalini-led meditation practice, then back to blue, and very occasionally the odd red spell when I needed some grounding.  Now I just love colour, all colours, except black that is, you an tell a lot about someone who predominantly wears black all the time.

Anyhow our cottage is now decorated with red and violet, which was so simple really to put together, yet so pretty.  I just have to remember to water them...

I made a cheesecake too this weekend for a Christening party. My friend, Laura, had made the cheesecake a week earlier and had left us some to try.  My gosh it was divine albeit incredibly rich and it was only when I got the recipe I realised the reason or that.  For someone who is insensitive to dairy it is not ideal, in fact I did wake up the next morning struggling to breathe, but ideal with all that calcium when you are growing a baby!  We shall overlook the sugar and chocolate of course, although these do have emotional benefits as I am sure others know!

It is so simple to make, even for me, that I am going to share the recipe with you here:

Fudge cheesecake

6oz/175g choc digestive biscuits
1.5oz/40g butter

Crush biscuits and melt butter.  Mix. Press into tin.

10oz/300g Bournville chocolate
7oz/200g cream cheese
8oz/250g quark (or ricotta)
150ml/1/4pt double cream
3oz/75g icing sugar

Melt 275g/9oz chocolate. Beat cream cheese with quark.  Beat in chocolate, cream, icing sugar.  Turn into tin, chill.

To decorate melt remaining 1oz/25g chocolate and drizzle over cheesecake.

Enjoy! xx

We managed a swim in the sea this weekend too, beautiful high tide at Vazon yesterday morning, certainly sets you up for the rest of the day.  I am watering the folks' greenhouse at the moment too, it is such a soothing environment to spend time and I am in awe at the cucumbers, tomatoes and figs that grow between my visits.  The freezer is now well stocked with tomato sauce for the winter months ahead and the butternut squash are ripening and ever so tasty - I do love butternut squash season.

Here we had the new moon on Saturday, what a relief, I don't know about anyone else but I felt the power of is this time around, usually I don't notice it so much, but there was certainly something going on out there and in me too!!

Anyhow a lovely sunny day awaits and time to go practice being quiet and still!

With love and gratitude.

xx

Did I love well?

October already!  Quite crazy how quickly time is now flying by and still I am wearing my flip flops, what wonderful warm autumnal weather we have had recently, long may it continue.  Not sure if that means we will have a really cold winter, regardless it is lovely to have an extended summer, so to speak.  Mind you the nights are drawing in and the lights are definitely needed during Yoga in the evenings.

I am 33 weeks pregnant tomorrow, in theory another 7 weeks to go.  I never really understood this until being pregnant, that you are actually, per the medical way of thinking, 40 weeks pregnant when you reach full term, which equates to 10 months rather than 9.  Even then there is no guarantee you will birth at 40 weeks and more often than not women go over the 40 weeks, after all we are all different.

This is one of the reason's I personally feel it is important not to get too attached to the due date.  After all the baby will come when it is ready (as I understand it, when the lungs are fully formed and ready to breathe in the outside world, a hormone is released that triggers labour) and being told that you are due on a certain date and then finding you have to keep going can be challenging, mentally and emotionally as much as anything else. 

Anyhow 33 weeks and my tummy is challenged with all the stretching it needs to do to allow for the amazing growth that is currently taking place.  The baby is still creating quite a bit of movement but he/she has less room so it is not as intense as it used to be.  Reassuring all the same however.  You start to notice patterns too, and if these continue when he/she is delivered then 10pm is going to be an active part of the evening for us, let alone the 4am shuffle!!

I am noticing that it is more of a struggle to get my leg forward on my Yoga mat now, inevitable really, but still so wonderful to be teaching, not least because I forget about everything else for a few hours, but my body gets to move and with that the back ache dissipates.  needless to say the back ache is worst when I am at my desk at work and gives me a good excuse to go and lull around in the swimming pool or bath each day!!

It is quite incredible the changes that go on in a woman's body during the course of pregnancy.  I doubt my body will ever be quite the same again!  Still I do love it, and will no doubt miss the bump when the baby is delivered, but at the same time I am quite keen to meet him/her and introduce him/her to this marvellous world we live in and learn all I can from this brand new being, who has taught me so much already.  It is true that our practice is right here in front of us, pregnancy has certainly proved that to me.

In fact they say that pregnancy throws up all sorts of things, so that stuff you have gone through previously and you thought has been done and dusted, healed then, comes right back at you again, so old scars start itching, old allergies re-appear, I can certainly vouch for that one, I think I spent a month just sneezing, and old emotional stuff too, and again I can vouch for that one, I thought the anger has dissipated a long time ago but no, there is was, the odd anger bout again!  Of course you can blame the hormones but it does feel as if a deeper healing is taking place, aligning yourself with your self in preparation for the new beginnings, open heart, ready to love unconditionally in a way you never thought possible...or so I am led to believe...

There has been a lot of reflection too, about life, how it has been, the journey we have found our self taking, and of course some thought to the future, which isn't all together very healthy as this is so unknown, and with the unknown often comes fear.  So it is perhaps good timing to find myself reading another book by the inspiring jack Kornfield.  There is a chapter called "Did I love well?" and in that a very interesting few paragraphs that we could all do with reading, because this is surely what it is all about, the rest, well the rest is just what happens along the path...

"In undertaking a spiritual life, what matters is simple: We must make certain that our path is connected with our heart...In the end spiritual life is not a process of seeking or gaining some extraordinary condition or special powers.  In fact such seeking can take us away from ourselves.  If we are not careful, we can easily find the great failures of our modern society - its ambitions, materialism, and individual isolation - repeated in our spiritual life. 

In beginning a  genuine spiritual journey, we have to stay much closer to home, to focus directly on what is right here in front of us, to make sure that our path is connected with our deepest love...

When we ask, "Am I following a path with heart?" we discover that no one can define for us exactly what our path should be.  Instead, we must allow the mystery and beauty of this question to resonate within our being.  Then somewhere within us an answer will come and understanding will arise.  If we are still and listen deeply, even for a moment, we will know if we are following a path with heart.

It is possible to speak with our heart directly.  Most ancient cultures know this.  We can actually converse with our heart as if it were a good friend.  In modern life we have become so busy with our daily affairs and thoughts that we have forgotten this essential art of taking time to converse with our heart.  When we ask it about our current path, we must look at the values we have chosen to live by.  Where do we put our time, our strength, our creativity, our love?  We must look at our life without sentimentality, exaggeration, or idealism.  Does what we are choosing reflect what we most deeply value?".

And on that note I shall leave us to reflect as I take to my mat and enjoy the background sound of the rain cleansing the earth as we step one day closer to the new moon on Saturday.

With gratitude,

x