The first trimester

 

We found out I was pregnant the day before the annual Yoga & Wellbeing retreat I run on the beautiful Island of Herm.  I knew I was pregnant, I had been able to feel through my hands the energy of new life within me from inception of the embryo.  But of course I still managed to get myself really wound up so that I didn’t sleep the day before I did that glorious little test and saw the stick say “pregnant” and tell me how many weeks.  Amazing isn’t it, no blue lines anymore, how things change!

It was of course a glorious relief, although strangely I had not considered that the test would have been anything but positive.  We had done everything asked of us by the book, so that it seemed inevitable that we would get the positive result.  Sadly this is not the case for so many couples and I have only respect for their ability to pick themselves up and start again.   

Fertility, or infertility then, is such an incredibly stressful experience for so many.  When you are struggling to conceive all you can see are mothers with babies and it seems that the whole world has somehow conspired against you. It is ever so easy to fall into the “why me” zone of self pity, but as I was wisely advised by one of my closest friends who had also experienced difficulties, this is the worst thing you can do to yourself.  Catch the self pity and transform it into positive energy. 

There is this wonderful book that a very kind friend sent to me called “The Stork Club” by Imogen Edwards-Jones, which is a really helpful read.  It may make you both laugh and cry and give you some hope if it seems rather bleak out there at the time.  There are a plethora of online chat sites where women share their experiences of the whole journey of conception, although I did my best to avoid these as the single most important thing to me was not to buy into any fear and these sites are full of exactly that.  You have to immerse yourself in positivity, you really do.

 In any event there we were, in Herm, finally pregnant.  I am delighted with the timing for it means the bean was immersed in the wonderful world of Yoga and wellbeing from the beginning.  I am all into the vibration of energy and keeping that light, so that you too are light, and I guess I am interested to see the effect that this has on the bean.  Thankfully in those early days I didn’t really feel any effects within myself apart from the vibration of the growing embryo, to which I shall always be thankful to Reiki for providing me with the opportunity to feel energy like this.

 Still a few weeks after Herm and I was very aware that I was pregnant as my hormones were a touch challenged!  In fact it was fascinating.  I experienced two notable anger fits.  Now I used to be really rather angry in the days before I found Yoga and Reiki, have little anger tantrums all the time I guess.  Strange to think of me like that now, but in my twenties I was plagued with frustration, which manifested as anger, directed mainly at myself but also of course my poor family.  It often runs through the family, you can literally take on the wounds of the past as they filter through your genetic make up.

 

When I was healing through my Yoga and Reiki practice, I would have these very powerful anger outbursts, which were essentially a healing.  It was like the energy of anger built up inside me to boiling point and then it came out in one outburst leaving me feeling much lighter and more peaceful afterwards, as that trapped energy of anger had finally left the body.  In the moment it was scary, anger is a very powerful emotion, I am sure we have all seen how it destroys lives, especially when mixed with alcohol.

 Still it is also a very powerful motivator for change.  And I have embraced these outbursts as a healing and an opportunity to move on a little bit lighter again.  I recall one time when I was staying at home with the folks in between Yoga trainings in Australia, it was summer and I was putting the washing on the line.  For some reason the healing came and I completely lost it with the washing, stamping on it, throwing it around, shouting at it, just losing the plot with it really, only to realise that my parents and my brother were sitting at the table on the patio waiting for me to come and join them for lunch and looking incredibly bemused and entertained by my little show of emotional release.  Needless to say they found it hilarious, as I did too once the energy had dissipated!

This happened again in Australia, my brother Ross and I were driving the Great Ocean Road together and for some reason we got into an argument about something.  I was driving and I got so angry with him that I literally stopped the road in this town, got out of the car and started stamping my feet at the side of the road because I was so fuelled with anger I had to get rid of it from my body somehow, before bursting into tears and sat there calming myself down, with people looking on and my brother totally thrown.  We laugh about it now.

So anyway, E has not seen me have an anger attack, because I don’t get them anymore, I guess I have worked out that anger through years of hip opening poses in Yoga (that is where it literally “sits” for me), Reiki and intensive massage therapy.  So it was a bit of a shock to him when we were returning home from a visit to the shops and a packet of organic ginger oat biscuits (bought to ease my morning sickness) fell from my arms as I was struggling to open the front door, and I just lost it, I kicked this packet of ginger biscuits into the house, picked them up, went into the kitchen and proceeded to throw them around, stamp on them, absolutely destroy them, with E not having a clue what was going on, to then feel the calmness return as I swept up the remains of biscuits that was now littering the floor!  E laughed about that with everyone for weeks to come.  Hormones!

So yes, those early days, say week 6 to week 9 were indeed challenging for my hormones were all over the place and I would find myself crying at the smallest things.  I tend to avoid the news and violent or distressing films/programmes anyway, but during this period I would get upset watching the most stupid things. I was also incredibly irritable and snappy.  It was confusing because Yoga had provided me with an opportunity to mange my emotional and mental state, but here I felt I had digressed to the person I was when I was in my twenties.  It was rather disturbing because I wasn’t sure how long this state of being would last.

We were fortunate to have early pregnancy scans.  I say fortunate because the jury is out as to whether these may actually harm the foetus, but we felt we had little choice, so there was no point me researching this too much.  Some times in life ignorance is indeed bliss. In any event it was indeed rather amazing to see this heart beat, only one heart beat as it turned out, on the screen.  The bean was indeed alive and alone in there.

Those weeks were testing.  People say to you how your life will change when you have children, but I believe your life changes the day you decide to have children, let alone the day you give birth to them.  I find it rather entertaining how people will say with some trepidation in their voice that our lives will never be the same again and we comment to ourselves how that is exactly the point, we want our lives to change, so that we are not doing the same thing in ten years that we are doing now, we want to get out of our comfort zone and take on the responsibility of a new being in this world.

 

Pregnancy offers a huge opportunity for transformation.  For while I may have attempted to continue life as I had always known it; I quickly realised this was not going to be possible. And actually there is some joy in that.  Even my body was changing, all of a sudden I actually needed the support of bras, now that was a revelation!!  Still it wasn't all fun, fun, fun and despite the fact I was essentially living a dream, I couldn't shake this depressed feeling for about a week in those early days, hormones are powerful things!!

The sickness was a challenge, not so much morning sickness as the name has you believe, but all day sickness, in waves too.  Teaching Yoga was actually a blessing for it distracted me from the intense nausea I was feeling.  Sadly not so sitting at a desk in the office that was when it was at its worst.  It is ironic really that the sickness tends to be concentrated at the time in pregnancy that you can’t tell anyone, and yet the time you really should tell people, so they may understand the reason everything is a bit of a challenge for you!

My diet changed.  For years I have been insensitive to dairy products but that is all I craved and strangely during those few weeks  I didn’t react to them as I had done in the past.  Salt too and bread, I haven’t eaten bread for a long time but this has been a saviour to me.  This was actually a huge lesson to me in truly listening to the body and overriding the mentality that told me whether foods were deemed “good” for me, or “bad”.  It wasn’t about good or bad, it was about what my body needed in that moment. 

Admittedly I did struggle with the craving for fruit flavoured mentos!  I can’t remember the last time I ate sweets, they are not something I generally consider suitable for putting in one’s mouth, but there you go, pregnancy is a law upon itself!!  In Thailand, where we were on holiday from week 9 to 11, I just could not stomach the Thai food that was cooked for us by the Thai ladies in the villa every day.  It was such a shame.  Even to this day the thought of sticky mango rice makes me feel incredibly sick! 

Thankfully we were able to source Western food so it was toast for breakfast, goat’s cheese and tomato sandwiches with salted crisps for lunch, salted nuts, and rice with vegetables in the evening.  It sounds rather healthy now I see it in black and white but at the time it felt anything but that as it was such a shift in my diet and especially as I was generally chain drinking fizzy lime drinks and ginger ale with tons of ice throughout the day!

Back home in the UK,  we were in Euston station awaiting a train across to North Wales and I couldn’t decide which sandwich to buy.  The fact I was even buying a sandwich was a big deal to me and I kept going from one sandwich shop to the other looking at what was on offer.  Essentially all I wanted was the roast beef sandwich, which of course is a little strange for a vegetarian! This desire for meat carried on for a few weeks (which bemused E no end) so I tried to increase my iron consumption in other ways!

Talking to my friends and other ladies with children, this craving thing is very common and it amuses me what ladies are drawn to eat.  It seems that dairy products are a commonality, hardly surprising when you consider the fact you need that extra calcium for the baby to grow bones etc.  I did notice that during the time the bones are calcifying, was the time I particularly craved the dairy products, which fascinated me no end.  I can’t account for the desire for “junk” food at a time when the baby is forming organs and all sorts of sensitivities, but assume there is some reason to it – I have been assured that the baby takes the nutrients it needs from you first, so I guess it is ultimately you that suffers in the end! 

In any event from 9-11.5 weeks of pregnancy, Thailand came at a really good time, not least to be able to have the opportunity to rest, but also to relax and enjoy some sunshine, family time and time to bond with the life growing within me.  I swam a lot, it eased the sickness, and  I took myself off the Yoga platform most days and while my meditation practice has certainly been challenged with the sickness, I was able to move gently and sit for a very short while before lying and channelling Reiki to the growing baby – it certainly helps with the bonding.

Talking of bonding, throughout the pregnancy and helped of course by the scans we had seen, we have been following the progress of the baby’s growth through baby centre (www.babycentre.co.uk), quite amazing to reflect on the size of the little bean and the affect he/she was having on me.  E still continues to laugh about the amount of food he/she needs when he/she is smaller than the palm of my hand.  It is fab to get weekly updates and learn a little more about the changes taking place in you as well as the baby.

The travelling back home from Thailand was challenging for me, I would not recommend long haul travel during the first trimester to others.  It messes even more with your hormonal balance, or imbalance and the sickness was really unpleasant.  Our trip back was not helped by the fact I experienced stomach cramps the day after our arrival in the UK when we were across near the border with North Wales for a wedding.  The cramping came on very suddenly in the morning and was accompanied with a discharge that was out of the ordinary.

Strangely I had read an article in one of those trashy magazines about miscarriage the day before on our train journey. - see how our fears can manifest so quickly!  Needless to say feeling particularly tired and jet lagged and incredibly vulnerable I panicked that I was indeed miscarrying and so we visited the nearest a&e.  The doctor was very pragmatic, my symptoms sounded like a miscarriage but there was absolutely nothing they could do for me, it was a bank holiday so there was no chance of scanning for a few days and even then, well if one is going to miscarry, having a scan is going to make no difference to the outcome. 

It was a bit of a scary day and back at the hotel I found myself on the internet researching my symptoms, which I really wouldn’t recommend you do, one sight will ease the stress while another will make it ten times worse – I have tried to avoid this since.  Needless to say I was on edge most of the day and was particularly fearful of going to the toilet and seeing red blood. Thankfully none came and it became quite clear throughout the day that there was something else going on here and as it happened I ended up with a stomach bug instead, a little present I had brought back with me from Thailand.

Sadly the fear that accompanies the thought of miscarriage stayed with me for some time.  It is unusual for me to taste fear like this and I had to really go within and face it head on to release the hold it was having over me - I am very aware that the more you fear something, the more it will present itself to you, hence the joy of Yoga in helping us to address our fears through our practice.  I turned to flower essences too, white chestnut was recommended by Zita West, a well known fertility expert and I have to say it helped enormously and I would recommend this to others.

 It is crazy really as it all comes down to trust and faith, but that aside when you have been challenged on the conception journey, and with friends who have miscarried  and with a best friend who sadly had a stillbirth at full term, one is very aware of the fragility of life in these early days.  The sickness became a blessing where once it was draining.  It is incredible how our perception of something can change so dramatically depending upon our experience of it – another reminder to avoid judging until you have been in that position yourself. 

For me this whole episode was a real wake up call.  It is all very well being strong and carrying on life as usual – I played netball for the Island vets against Jersey, albeit only for 15 minutes, but all the same I was 5 weeks pregnant at the time – but life is not as usual.  The one thing I continue to learn is the need to slow down and be gentle, soften then, pregnancy encourages a softening.  And here was my reminder to do exactly that. 

It changed my Yoga practice significantly, in fact I wasn’t able to practice for a few days, which in itself is a rarity. While we were in Thailand, I had managed to get to two Yoga classes in Chiang Mai, one was a general class which I adapted and another was a gentle class which the teacher made pregnancy friendly for me.  The penny was already dropping during these classes that perhaps I needed to back off a bit, but this little scare was the icing on the cake and the message was loud and clear.

This isn’t to say that one has to temper one’s practice the whole way through pregnancy, I still remember one of my students practicing crow pose (her choice after all) the morning of the evening she gave birth and in Byron I remember seeing a very pregnant lady in handstand against the wal.  But I do believe that in those early months, when the baby is literally forming within you and the placenta is developing too, that you should honour this new life and provide it with a gentle, gentle space to thrive.   

Upon reflection the stomach bug provided me with an opportunity to totally slow down that first week and catch up on sleep, something I needed after the exhausting nature of long haul travel.  You see that is another thing, you feel so tired all the time, and it is a tiredness that you cannot push through as I am so used to doing ordinarily. I have to go to bed much earlier than I have ever done.  And I have noticed that if I am tired one day and don’t sleep well, then the next day the sickness is worse. The body is very clever in making you listen and essentially slow down. 

Almost 12 weeks and back home in Guernsey, I returned to find a booking for a visit from the midwife and a booking for the 12 week scan.  This was a whole new world to me and one that was initially a little overwhelming.  You see I do not believe in the medicalisation of birth per se but I had been so focused on simply getting pregnant and getting through the first trimester that I hadn’t given much thought to what was to happen after then.  Still, that can wait until another time. 

Every day I give thanks for the life inside me and can’t believe my luck that this is really actually happening to us.  With much gratitude again to all those wonderful beings who have helped to make this possible and to all those wonderful beings who provide such loving and supporting energy to me, E and our bean, we are both so excited.

xxxxxx

 

I am pregnant!

I am pregnant. Three simple words I have longed to be able to say for so very long now. I almost struggle to believe it is happening, finally, to us, E and I!

 

You see life is funny isn’t it, you spend most of your life searching for the potential father of your longed-for children, only to then spend another lifetime waiting for said potential father (once found) to consent (finally) to the idea of having children, to then wait another lifetime to actually conceive.

And the most ironic thing is that until that point of deciding you are going to go for it, you have spent all those years trying not to go for it. Well at least the potential father of your children has spent all those years making sure that there is absolutely no risk of any babies appearing without his consent. So successfully it seems that reversing that process can indeed be quite challenging!

And as for the spiritual and indeed conscious conception, well that’s another matter altogether. I had visions of following the Ayurvedic way of doing things, a bit of a ritual really, taking a lovely bath together with candles and aromatherapy oil, rose petals, soft light, that sort of thing, conscious conception, inviting a beautiful soul in. 

Of course the reality is far removed from that vision (it is still there though, you never know!), what with ovulation sticks and perceived peak times, unromantically dragging your partner to bed, insisting that over the course of the next 24 hours we have to do this lots, if not constantly. What threw me was his reaction to this. I figured it was every man’s dream, you know, your partner saying fill your boots, here I am, go for it. 

But alas not and I know that I am not alone, talking to friends they all shared a similar experience. It must be the pressure or something that makes the whole “perfect timing” moment more of a chore than a life changing, earth shattering spiritual experience. In fact the whole thing was rubbish and the more the months ticked by without any success, the more the whole thing became one big dreaded event!

 To help do my bit to help things along, I started seeing my Ayurvedic doctor in Brighton again. She is a wonderfully wise and spiritual Sri Lankan lady who specialises in fertility and has quite a following of clients in the UK. I took some disgusting tasting herbs for a few months and strictly followed my Ayurvedic diet to try and create the perfect inner conditions for conception to take place. I supported all this with regular Reiki, reflexology and massage from lovely friends who are local therapists. 
I guess it all depends on your perspective, but if you are a tiny bit spiritual then you may appreciate the wisdom of the ancient Tibetan Buddhist and Ayurvedic texts that positively encourage both man and women to be in a good shape spiritually, physically, emotionally and mentally, the women establishing a regular menstrual cycle and be well connected to the vitality in her body. This means looking intimately at ourselves and at our rubbish and doing what we can to heal past pains and hurts, essentially ridding ourselves of that extra baggage, before we impart some of it on to the new life we are bringing into the world.

But life has a habit of throwing obstacles along the spiritual path and here was one for us. While the Ayurvedic herbs may have helped with healing past wounds, no amount of herbs was going to help us conceive without a little bit of extra help from the medical world on which I have turned my back so many times over the years. So here was my first and indeed second lesson too, ah yes, accepting that sometimes things don’t go the way you planned and being open to receiving help from the medical world.

You have to laugh. All these experiences are blessings in disguise. It may not feel like it at the time and I did my fair share of crying and moping around as I struggled to accept the reality of life at that time. But it strengthened my faith. I didn’t doubt that we would one day have children, but I just hadn’t figured that we would have to overcome so many obstacles in the way.

I spent a lot of time on my own on my Yoga mat where I established a committed daily meditation practice, which helped to strengthen my mind in ways I had not experienced previously. I practiced a lot of Yoga Nidra to the beautiful sound of an Australian friend’s voice that helped enormously in keeping the faith high. So too my asana practice, which took on a renewed dynamic direction, which helped me to deal more calmly with the challenges life was presenting.

 I took myself off on a few Yoga retreats, which provided a wonderful opportunity to immerse myself in the Yoga energy and enjoy some much needed time to myself. I received regular acupuncture with the wonderful Andre Sidner, for whom I shall be eternally grateful – it made such a difference. Now I look back it was all preparation really. It took time. Another lesson presented - patience, oh how I have had to learn this one over the last few years. It is a big one, especially in this day and age of instant gratification. 

So you see it wasn’t all glum. In fact I wouldn’t change it for the world. It was our personal journey, E and I. It has deepened our relationship with ourselves, each other, our family and our closest friends. Priorities have changed, although I still don’t get to play “all that airy fairy” music in the car when we are together, and E doesn’t entirely buy into that whole “but it will positively affect the bean growing in my tummy” thing. But we laugh.

We also appreciate that we are not alone, far from it in fact. Interestingly when you do start to talk about the challenges you have experienced, you find that other couples have gone through it themselves, some having to overcome far more challenges than we have done. I have noticed that there is sadly a lot of stigma attached to fertility issues that people just don’t know what to say, which is a shame, because sometimes talking to others helps enormously in fuelling the positive energy.
And here we are, hoorah, finally on our way to realising our dream. It may not have been all rose petals and essential oils, but ironically (how the Universe laughs) the conception of our little bean was even more conscious than I could ever have imagined - a miracle no less.  

Mind blowing too that a combination of my love and E’s loves has created new life, that we have invited in a soul and that soul have chosen us. I can feel the presence growing in my tummy and every day I awake and feel grateful to have this little bean inside me, a part of us both. And while the sickness is indeed challenging, well I wouldn’t have it any other way. But more of that later. 

With much gratitude to all you wonderful souls who have helped in so many beautiful ways.

 xxxx

It was meant to be!

My Mum took a trip down memory lane and came across this photo of me when I was little.  She says I used to do this a lot - funny really as I was only thinking last night how much of my life I still spend in this position - must have been hard wired into there from the start! Amazing really, how the seed is planted from such a young age.  I have no doubt we are always encouraged along the path of destiny, should we choose to live in harmony with our soul. Not always easy, a lot of lessons to learn along the way.  But I like to think that there are times in our lives where we can sit back and start to see the bigger picture, how the bits of the jigsaw fit together.  There is so much potential.  It really is a wonderful world we live in.

Absolutely loved the class last night, lovely to see everyone again, had not realised quite how much I had missed that environment, may have accounted for my subdued mood last week!  Nothing quite like the energy of a Yoga room, I always leave the class feeling so much lighter than when I arrived, full of that lovely peaceful energy that our combined energy fields create.  You cannot put a price on this joyful experience.  There is so much more to us than we can see.

And so the rains return to nourish the earth, it is going to be looking even more lush and green out there by the end of this week!

Love and light to one and all.

With much gratitude and thanks

x

Happy new moon! x

Back in the UK it feels so cold after the heat of Thailand.  Sadly I brought a bug back with me that has left me feeling rather under the weather, a bit of shame really as it meant I wasn't feeling my best for Cerys and Craig's wedding near Shrewsbury last weekend.  Lovely part of the country though, especially popping over into North Wales and enjoying the ambiance of the river and energy of Llangollen.  I love Wales!

Back here in Guernsey and it has been strange not teaching all week, but a necessity as I have been in bed very early most nights and only able to entertain the gentlest of practices myself.  Being ill really does make you listen to your body more than you already thought you were doing.  I am thankful for grapefruit seed extract, which kills all the bad bugs without killing the good bugs like antibiotics do.

Returning to Guernsey, albeit ill and cold, was a joy, what with the beautiful Spring landscape and all my wonderful soulful friends to lighten the energy again.  Driving through Talbot Valley to visit my parents last Monday was just an incredible experience - not least the angle of the sun and the play of light on the leaves in the trees and all that colour of bluebells and red campions but so too the sheep and lambs playing in the field below, if you live in Guernsey and haven't seen them, then go and have a look, it will certainly out you off wanting to eat them!!

It was Liberation Day yesterday, a chance to commemorate our peace and freedom, facilitated by all those brave men and women.  My grandfather was one of the military police directing the troops off the boats on the beaches of Normandy.  he had to wear bright white gloves so was essentially a standing target.  Thankfully it wasn't his time and he lived to tell the tale - not for many years mind, it was only when my brother was about 14 and asked him whether he had been part of the Normandy landings that he admitted to it.  You just can't imagine can you, the fear that that generation had to live through and without all the counselling and support networks that we have available to us now.  With so much gratitude and respect xxx

So here we are, early to mid May, the sun is shining, the wind is blowing, it is a new moon today!  Here is what Rebekah Shaman has to say about it:

"Over the winter months we have been getting to know ourselves more while sowing our seeds of desire. This new moon signifies the start of the summer season and the growth, fertility and vitality this incurs.

Now, under the Taurus moon, we start seeing the signs of progress and a piecing together of all the threads that make up who we are. It brings structure to our intentions, strengthens our foundations and manifests our action, helping us shape our ideas into more tangible, physical forms.

It reminds us that we are surrounded by abundance. Mother earth is here to support us to realise our dreams, just as she supports the natural world around us. Resources seem to be more available to us, and the clearer we are of what we want the easier it will be to create it in our lives. This is the time to let the magic of life flow you to the right people and connections that can help you manifest your visions.

Taurus brings a sense of patience and order, and shows us that everything is happening and coming together in perfect timing. Synchronicities abound during this moon and we can find ourselves and our projects revitalised, motivating us to keep going, especially if the last few months have been a hard slog.

Ruled by Venus, this moon heightens our senses so we can enjoy the physical and sensual beauty that surrounds us, feeling the pleasure and passion of being alive more deeply. This is a good time to spend with friends, enjoying the company of others and the connections and inspirations that only comes from sharing yourself and your ideas with the world, (so say yes to the invitations you are hesitating about).

 So enjoy the energy as you let the magic of life flow you like a river to manifesting your dreams.  It is all out there, we just need to be clear.  This is where Yoga helps enormously, it helps to rid the clutter and rubbish that prevents us from being clear.

Happy times, embrace the energy and feel alive!

xxxxx

Ah the joy of Thailand and the simplicty of life

Our trip to northern Thailand with the family was wonderful.  It was hot though, upper 30s, which was challenging, having come from such a cold winter here in Guernsey.  Still we were lucky as we were staying in a wonderful villa up in the hills, a 45 minute drive from Chiang Mai, with this wonderful outdoor pool.  So we spent much of our time in and out of the pool from 8.30am to 8pm.

There was also this wonderful Yoga Shala on a hill a short walk from the villa itself.  It offered views of the mountains in the distance and a gentle breeze so that it made for a wonderful asana practice surrounded as you were by nature in all its beauty and with all its sounds and indeed smells.

How wonderful to see my brother Ross again and also to meet his daughter Willow, who has grown quite a bit in the year since I last saw her.  Now 15 months she is rather active, in fact she doesn't stop.  Apparently her Mum and I were like that when we were babies so I guess she has it in her genes. This made for an active time for the grandparents who helped to follow her around the garden and play with her in the swimming pool.  What a joy.

We were blessed with such kind hearted staff who work in the villa, preparing meals for us and making sure that we didn't want for anything.  This was quite a challenge on our part as we still found ourselves helping to clear up etc but they were quick to usher us away.  In the end we had too accept that this was their job and us helping was actually not helping them at all.

We did venture out a few times. I went to a lovely yoga class at Wild Rose Yoga in the old town of Chiang Mai.  This is a wonderful little studio hidden away.  It was quite a challenge to find, which made it all the more enjoyable when we did.  I also went to a class with Star, my brother's girlfriend, at Yoga Tree, just outside of the old city and was delighted to find that Esther was teaching, this is a lady I met a few years ago on a retreat in Bali.  Strange how small the world is sometimes, but I guess it was inevitable as I had been thinking of her for days before she manifested there in front of my eyes.

One day E and I ventured out with the folks and Star's parents to join Alex, a local British guide, on a trip into a national park where we paddled in a refreshing river before going on a 2 hour walk up the highest mountain in Thailand.  I forget the altitude but I was a little breathless, so amazing however to get up into cooler airs and walk through jungle and see this wonderful "cloud mountain" ecology and environment.

We went to the night bazaar in Chiang Mai a few times, now this is fun, bartering for all the wares, needless to say we ended up with far more than we actually needed but that is the nature of these things!  We chanced upon a local coffee grower one day too, this went down a treat with the coffee drinkers who invested in the inexpensive and yet quality coffee that apparently tastes as good back in Guernsey as it did out there.

E and I went for a walk one day towards a local village and got picked up by a local couple.  We couldn't communicate beyond our names but we smiled to one another and there was the mention of football - they love Manchester United out here, amazing the universal language these days!  We wandered around the local market in the hot sun and then walked all the way back to the villa, typical of E to drag me along in such a manner, it was so hot! Still we got to enjoy the landscape and also the wonderful teak trees, they are beautiful. One day we ventured out on the bikes, I wasn't really that keen and thankfully the bikes were so useless that we went back and lay beside the pool instead!

It has been years since I last went to Thailand and since then I have travelled extensively in Asia so it was as if I was seeing Thailand through fresh eyes.  It seemed to me such a peaceful and clean country, at least up in the north, we didn't venture down to Bangkok or the Islands in the East. Developed too, so much more than Nepal, which was calling to me throughout my time in Asia again.  Thankfully, and unlike Nepal, we were left alone most of the time, no one harassing us to buy anything from them, well aside from the hill ladies in the night bazaar in Chiang Mai who remind me of the Tibetan ladies who walk up and down Lakeside in Pokhara constantly harassing you to buy their wares.

We watched the full moon rise from the Yoga shala one night, now that was special.  So too the wonderful sunsets from the villa.  We saw geckos and the most incredible dragonflies and the largest butterflies I have ever seen.  I'd say it was a fairly grounded, back to nature and simplicity of life experience!

E and I spent our last night in Chiang Mai, upgraded to a wonderful suite in our hotel, with fabulous views of this extensive city.  We went for afternoon tea at this wonderful tea house by the river, E enjoyed the typical British feast of tea and scones while I enjoyed a wonderful smoothie, they certainly know how to make their smoothies in Chiang Mai.  I could spend hours, days even, pottering around the streets of Chiang Mai, if only it had been cooler it would not have been such a struggle but the 40 degree heat, the air heavy with the need to thunder was relentless at times!

The journey back was hard going as these things tend to be, it is funny how as we get older - well for me in any event - long haul travel has lost its appeal.  Still it is a means to an end and what a joy to get to Asia and be reminded of the bigger picture again.  It is so easy to get caught up in the trivialities of life back home, to get sucked into the illusion of the material world.  Stepping out of it and experiencing the simplicity of the Asian culture, mixing with local people rather than maintaining that separateness, really helps to remind one of the beauty and joy in the simplicity of life. 

Om Shanti.

xxx