End of the year ramblings

So here we are, almost at the end of 2014 and here I am sitting on the sofa in a friend's house in Brighton unable to sleep with the excitement of going to Vancouver tomorrow for New Year's Eve.

It is funny how life turns out.  The last time I was in Vancouver I was recovering from a bout of adrenal fatigue and depression and Ewan was off travelling around Asia with his friends.  I went out to Vancouver to attend a Yoga therapy course with Phoenix Rising, without realising I was actually on the course to heal myself. 

It had been a hard core year that one before.  I was teaching yoga full time and practicing Reiki and I was working 7 days a week from sunrise to sunset and beyond and I got utterly exhausted .  This wasn't helped by the fact that Ewan and I simply couldn't get our relationship together, we both loved one another but commitment was a problem.  No surprise really, he was 8 years my senior and used to living life on his own and I was a traveller, always jetting off to Nepal or Australia if I got the chance!

My illness meant I ended up moving in with Ewan about the same time that he was made redundant.  This meant we spent the summer gardening - there is a lot to be said about the healing and indeed grounding benefits  of getting earth on your hands,  it was a healing summer with lots of swimming too.  In any event sadly it the redundancy meant that Ewan was keen to go and do all the travelling he had heard me doing - and indeed watched me doing.  So despite my heart breaking at being left behind, off he went and with  a heavy heart and burnt our adrenals, I went off to Vancouver instead.

I still reminisce about this time in Vancouver, especially more recently with the responsibilities and the hectic nature off being a working Mum.  But I was staying out there on my own in an ensuite room in a YCA for one month.  The course was 2 weeks during which I would interact with the other course attendees but other that that, for a whole month I spoke to no one else.  I didn't drink a drop of alcohol nor socialise once (how boring I know!), instead I went to yoga, I read books and I wrote.  My three passions in life.  All in my own silence.  Bliss!!

By the time I met Ewan in New York on his way home from his trip I felt like a new woman, stronger, lighter and with more skills under my belt.  It was all part of the process and we haven't really looked back since, settling down, moving in together and then finally getting around to the concept of children and with that a few years later, Elijah showing up.

What a journey!  Here I was planning (or thinking I was planning) and praying for the life I now live and for Ewan, well it just happened!  This makes me laugh, the way we can all live our lives so differently, so that I question the way I live mine with all my intentions and burning bowl ceremonies and vision boards because perhaps it is already written....

And here we are, now fulfilling another of my dreams, which is to show Ewan Vancouver and Vancouver Island and introduce my son to one of my closest friends who lives on the Island and who we are visiting and who was one of my first yoga students in Guernsey.  Love you Sami!!

A new year ahead of us and with that my 40th too.  So planning my new year year's intentions is proving a little challenging as I have all I dreamt and now I need to dream again...of the yoga studio, of the written books, of the trips to visit my friends in Nepal and show them Elijah.  Or perhaps I should sit back as Ewan has done and so many others have done and see what happens...and enjoy another Christmas as we have just done and a new year head.

On that note I would like to wish you all a very happy and healthy new year (don't let us underestimate our health) and hope that it is a peaceful, compassionate, forgiving, accepting and fulfilling year for you and the world as a whole.

Love xxx

Happy solstice and new year ahead.

Happy solstice!

Yule is a pre-Christian holiday celebrated n the winter solstice.  It is the true new year both astronomically and spiritually. At Yule the new God comes to earth, bringing hope and light.

Yule is the time to begin to think about what you want to accomplish in the months to come.  It is the time to outline the goals you wish to work towards. So the attention now is inward to allow your higher self, your spiritual side then time to clarify what needs to be done and which goals to set.

Yoga can certainly offer you with the space and awareness and indeed clarity to know where best to focus your energy and attention - to create an intention then - and there is of course great power in this.

Happy solstice everyone, happy new year ahead.  Here is a beautiful new year blessing that I would like to share with you:

On the day when
the weight deadens
on your shoulders
And you stumble,
May the clay dance
To balance you.

And when your eyes
Freeze behind
The grey window
And the ghost of loss
Gets into you,
May a flock of colours,
Indigo, red, green
And azure blue,
Come to awaken in you
A meadow of delight.

When the canvas frays
In the currach of thought
And a stain of ocean
Blackens beneath you,
May there come across the waters
A path of yellow moonlight
To bring you safely home.

May the nourishment of the earth be yours,
May the clarity of light be yours,
May the fluency of the ocean be yours,
May the protection of the ancestors be yours.

And so may a slow
Wind work these words
Of love around you,
An invisible cloak
To mind your life.

("Bennacht For Rosie" from Benedictus by John O'Donohue).

Hooray for yoga!

It has been a tough few weeks.

Elijah has been sleeping badly, although to be honest he has never slept well, but it seems that he has regressed so that he has been waking every few hours and is sometimes unsettled and restless.  It is his teeth of course, yet more teeth coming through, but good grief what a challenge.

It is not just the lack of sleeping though, but also the fact that he is very clingy at the moment, which is endearing of course, but does make it difficult for me to leave him on his own or even put him down on the floor and out of my arms.  My arms are certainly much stronger these days from all the carrying!!  Bless him, he loves his cuddles and being attached to one of us in one way or another - our little koala!

Still it doesn't do to complain too much as this is how it is, we have chosen to "be" with him and to be led by him and he seems very happy for it and we love being with him, even if he does kick me in the night and still likes to hang off my boob when others have grown out of it!!

The sleep deprivation is the killer though, torture no less, quite literally too, and it does make for a challenging time of it as your mind becomes less able to focus, your emotions become a little more tricky to manage and getting through the day can be a struggle at times.  Not helped that my day job has been ridiculously busy so that my stress levels have risen and I can literally feel the pressure of it all getting to me.  I just need sleep!!  But it never comes and just serves to demonstrate how resilient we are as human beings because you have to get on with it as there is always the hope that things will change.

For a while though it did feel that things were rather stuck, one day after the next, busy, busy, busy, relentless so that my spirit was sinking and with that sinking spirit all that old stuff coming up again, stress levels rising, OCD habit of clean floors in house returning (ha ha!!) and a short bout of low moods...so that it felt that I had regressed somewhat after years of feeling good.

Still things come and go, and often for a reason and it was with some relief that I headed off to London with my boys last weekend for some much needed yoga and time away from the routine of life back here in Guernsey.  Timings were perfect as they tend to be, and the course coincided with another "clarity giving" full moon.

The course was with the infamous Doug Swenson who has been practicing and teaching yoga for 45 years now.  Wow.  I have to say, and I won't know that I have said this for some time, but he is an incredibly inspiring man and the course was teensy weensy bit life changing.  There I said it.  The weekend as a whole was life changing.  Hooray!

Doug's approach to yoga resonates with me hugely and helped me to soften quite literally.  The practice is challenging of course, it is Ashtanga based, but his approach is soft and gentle and based on his observations of the flowing nature of nature and when one embraces this energy in one;s practice, well wow, I have not felt so light in my practice for some time.  Nine hours of yoga practice and I didn't ache once, and I practiced poses I have not practiced much before, and with such ease too, so that everything seemed possible, not simply on the mat but off the mat too.

And of course it will come as no surprise that the practice on my mat affected the way I felt off my mat, so that clarity did arrive and with that a strength that I have not felt for a while.  So there was shift quite a noticeable one too, back on track and feeling positive again hooray!!!

I managed to enjoy some peaceful time on my own, which is a rare joy and also some fabulous times with my boys going to Selfridges (and loving the snow leopard), wandering around Marylebone and visiting Abbey Road studios.  I also got to enjoy a whole night and morning with Elijah when Ewan was celebrating his birthday with friends and we walked all the way from St John's Wood through Regent's Park, up to Primrose Hill and down to Camden for a mooch around the markets, and then back again.  I just love spending time wandering around London and it seems Elijah loves it too as he actually stayed in his pushchair the whole walk!!!

We went down to Brighton for a night too to stay with one of our friends, which was great fun, having a good old catch up and feeling so energised (and yet tired too, go figure) from the yoga that day so that I actually didn't want to go to bed.  And then didn't want to get up again the next morning!!

So here we are, back in Guernsey, me feeling incredibly inspired and desperate to spend as much time as I can on my mat playing around, keen to share what I have learned and experienced with my students and yet still as busy as ever at work and Elijah still waking frequently.  But oh well, it is what it is and no doubt it will change, there is a new moon coming soon, I am quite sure that that will shift things along a little.

Anyhow it all comes as a reminder how much yoga supports our lives, well my life, that bit has become once again blindingly obvious to me, not that I forgot as such, but more so to see it in practice like this, the way it changes how you feel, the strength it gives you and the joy too.  I shall most definitely encourage Elijah on my mat with me for maybe he will start to sleep better and then I shall sleep better and the world will seems an even brighter place to live!!

So a big thank you to Doug Swenson and to yoga and to all the yoga teachers who have helped to enlighten the path, I am indeed in awe of this marvellous practice.

With much gratitude. xxx

The moos!

Wow, it has been some time since I have found any time to sit down and type on here.  Life is like that though, peaks and troughs.  One thing is for sure though, I am looking forward to a quiet trough again!

It has been an interesting time of late.  I have been seeing my Ayurvedic doctor again for one thing or another and so the last few months have been spent taking lots of herbal concoctions to help get to the root cause of the problem.  This is the joy of Ayurveda, it doesn't just treat the symptoms as the allopathic treatments tend to do (and needless to say never truly solve the problem) but really tried to literally ease out at the root.  Not to say it is a an easy process, the mind and body are so connected that what presents as a condition in the body is a reflection of some "imbalance" in the mind or way of thinking and consequently in the lifestyle generally. So one does need to be prepared to look at oneself honestly, which is never ever an easy process, we are always in some level of denial.

So it is a process. And it is fascinating when you can finally stand back and see what has been going on.  I have come to realise how I have been in denial about many aspects of my life, really very not easy, because with that comes the realisation that there will be other aspects I am not yet ready to "see" or indeed accept.  And life has thrown the challenges, so that one does come to see things a little more clearly.

I have felt recently that I have gone backwards, that my attitude and mental make-up was very reminiscent of where it was over 10 years ago now before I discovered the joy of yoga and reiki. This is not entirely true of course, but I gained a glimpse nonetheless so that I have become aware that the remnants of the pattern are still there, somewhere.  And of course I fought in my denial, as we tend to do when we have a vested interest, clinging on, always right, until we are ready, prepared then, courageous enough maybe to accept where improvements could be made, where we need to let go...and let God in.

Which is generally when things start to shift.  Just invite the Divine into your life and get yourself out of the way.  Simples as Aram would say.  And when you do eventually do this phew, what a relief...clarity, calmness, ah, no more fight, gentleness, and time to truly be quiet.

Well I am there.  In the quiet space.  Dust settling.  Soul craving time out.  Phew (that was a powerful new moon).

Elijah and I had a magical moment this week when we went out walking in the lanes and stopped to look at the "moos" and all 8 of them came up to us and just stood with their beautiful faces fascinated by Elijah as we were both fascinated by them.  It is moments like that that remind me of the interconnected nature of all beings, of this world, of life. And love.  How much love there is in this world.  I smile at the memory.

Keep well and standing in your power.

xx

Transforming

What a week, stunning sunrise, full moon, rainbows, fires, flocks of starlings, strong winds, a whole heap of rain and glorious sea swimming.  This has all helped me to feel lovely and connected to nature. What a wonderful world it is.

Been taking a whole lot of Ayurvedic herbs, which has helped the connection to self and the greater whole, and encouraged grounding activity such as cooking and cleaning.  Ha, the joys of the simple living!!  It has also helped me to become a little more conscious of some of my previously unconscious self-sabotaging patterns of behaviour and living, and with that (I guess) an opportunity for transformation...not always easy though, to break down old patterns of behaviour.  Still yoga offers much support with this.

I am reminded of this marvellous poem that was shared with me on the last day of my very intensive teacher training course all those years ago now...

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters by Portia Nelson

1.  I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I fall in.

I am lost … I am hopeless.

It isn’t my fault.

It takes forever to find a way out.

 

2.  I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend I don’t see it.

I fall in again.

I can’t believe I’m in the same place.

But it isn’t my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out.

 

3.  I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it is there.

I still fall in … it’s a habit.

My eyes are open.

I know where I am.

It is my fault.

I get out immediately.

 

4.  I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

 

5.  I walk down another street.

 

Love this!!!

 

Let's hope for a jubilant week ahead...with much fun regardless.

 

x  

Warming butternut squash soup

I had a request for vegan soup...and the next day along came a cookery book put together to raise some money for the Cheshire Homes here on Guernsey and in that book I came across a recipe for a  warming butternut squash soup that could be adapted to ensure it is vegan...which I made and we enjoyed for supper this evening, yummy indeed (despite Elijah's facial expression!!!).  So here it is:

Ingredients

1kg/2lb squash
1 large onion
Olive oil
2 apples
3 sticks of celery
800ml/11/2 pints of vegetable stock
1 tsp curry powder
1 bay leaf
1 clove of garlic
salt and pepper

How to make

Peel and cut the squash into 1cm cubes and brush with olive oil.  Cook on top shelf of oven at 200 degrees c/gas 6 for 40/45 minutes until well tinged on edges;

Chop onion, celery and apple.  Cook on a low heat for 10 minutes with olive oil and bay leaf.

Add crushed garlic and curry powder and cook for 2 minutes.

Add cooked squash, seasoning and vegetable stock.

Simmer for 30 minutes. Pulp with a masher and serve.

Enjoy! x

Happy bonfire night!

Happy bonfire night! How did that happen, it is already the first week of November with another full moon tomorrow night, phew this year is flying be, I can hardly believe Elijah will be one next week!  Still, I do love seeing the bonfire, all that light, let alone the potentially sleepy effect of watching flames - a little like tratak, the Hatha Yoga cleansing technique to literally cleanse the eyes and also to induce sleep, now this is something I need!!

It has been an interesting time recently.  I enjoyed my first night away from Elijah with a fleeting trip to London with my Dad to watch Van Morrison play in the Royal Albert Hall.  This was amazing, not least Van the Man but also the opportunity to read my book while travelling (opposed to entertaining small child!), enjoy a yoga class at TriYoga in Soho and do some shopping with only myself to think about.  Of course it was fabulous to spend time with Dad too, this is something we have done every year for a while now except for last year when I was pregnant so that we have watched quite a few bands now, and enjoyed some father/daughter bonding in the process.

I doubt I shall be going away again on my own anytime soon though, Elijah missed his Mummy and Daddy was quite exhausted by all the wake up calls.  Yes, almost a year on, and I am still getting woken quite a few times a night.  If someone had told me this time last year that I would not get to have a whole night sleep for a whole year plus, I would have wondered how I would survive.  But you do.  Somehow.  Some nights are better than others and I guess those must help to keep me sane.  A few bad nights on a trot (we are on our third tonight) does challenge the ability to think clearly at work, let alone access any memory.  We try and laugh and remember that this is not forever.  And each evening there is hope that he may sleep a little better!

Swimming in the sea has become a touch more challenging of late, although it feels really rather warm for this time of year.  We do love going down to Petit Bot the three of us.  Often we have the beach to ourselves, which is fab, and we take it in turns to go in the sea while one of us hangs out with Elijah, who just loves the beach. There is something so magical about being here n our own, not least the liberating nature of changing without worrying about covering yourself with a towel, but so too the way in which you feel so connected to the nature of it all.  We always feel alive when we leave - and that is not just due to submerging ourselves in the sea!!!

I have been working on my grounding the last few months and accepting the need for routine.  As is always the case, when you finally let go of the old and accept the new, you find it really rather works for you, so that I am thoroughly enjoying having the evenings to myself after years of teaching yoga most evenings, and I am relishing cooking and nourishing myself and my family with food. We are fortunate to still be getting goodies from the folks' greenhouse, they have the most amazing Satsuma tree, literally covered this year.  I haven't quite managed to chant while cooking just yet, but that it is my intention eventually, to really imbue our food with some extra energy.

I have been chanting in my own practice though, having let this go for some time.  I do love to chant and I find it very powerful.  I particularly enjoy chanting with others and only wish we had a chanting group over here who meet more regularly than 3 times a year.  There is so much healing power in sound, quite incredible really, although very confrontational for people too.

I have been giving some thought to the confronting nature of yoga generally and I have written an article which touches on this a little.  You can find it on my website, "I want to get back to yoga but...".  I just had this creative urge and managed to write two articles, I suspect it is the effect of all the Ayurvedic herbs I am taking, bringing something up and out, or just the time of year...

On that note I realise I could waffle for hours, a combination of the creative urge and the full moon energy, plus of course the wiring nature of fireworks.  But it is indeed time to sleep.

Until next time, keep well.

Much gratitude.

x

Aram Raffy comes to Guernsey

Amazing, amazing, amazing. 

I am so grateful to Aram Raffy for taking time out to fly across the channel and come and join us here in Guernsey ton share his passion (and indeed mine) for Vinyasa yoga.  Breathe, flow, breathe, move, breathe, present, breathe, be, breathe, accept, breathe, sweat, breathe, here, breathe, challenge, breathe, laugh, breathe, feel so wired that you need to calm down before bed a little, breathe, move, breathe, still, breathe, mind, breathe, spirit, breathe, body, breathe, laughter, feel so wired after class the next morning that you keep going all day and all evening,  happy natural highs, doesn't get much better, next day can hardly move but you are still grinning.  I LOVE VINYASA YOGA.

Aram is a joy.  I stumbled across him a few years ago now on one of my many trips to London a where I just happen upon a yoga class...I loved his style and energy and returned again taking Ewan with me on my next trip and he loved the class too. Intrigued as I was to his background I came across reference to his teacher, Stewart Gilchrist, who happened to be running a workshop on one of my next trips to London.  So I chanced upon it and was positively blown away by the similarity to my own teacher, Lance Shuler, albeit their accents are very different - Stewart Scottish and Lance Australian (well New Zealand technically).

Still, it was a joy to bring Aram to the Island and share him with many local students - and manage a couple of classes myself without having to traipse across the Channel!  I have received a whole heap of positive feedback from Aram's time here, so that I am hopeful we can bring him back again - it is not everyday we have access to such a dedicated, energetic and well practised yogi who is male too, such a treat over here where most of us yoga teachers are female.

It has all come at a good time too.  There are signs everywhere of the lessons to learn always.  We just have to be receptive to them, that is the challenge!  Still I cannot help noticing how often I have been reminded of the need for selfless practicing - dedicating our practice, our life then, for the benefit of others.  It is always much easier said than done, but how liberating, to get ourselves out of the way.  I love what the Dalai Lama says about this:

"We are visitors on this planet. We are here for ninety or one hundred years at the very most. During that period, we must try to do something good, something useful with our lives. If we contribute to other people's happiness, you will find the true goal, the true meaning of life".

I love even more that we can give so selflessly through yoga, to share the gift of yoga, to try to be useful in doing so.  This blows my mind and makes me feel very happy to be alive.

Thank you so much Aram for showing up and teaching and taking the time.  Please come back soon!!

As for the after effects, it did make me chuckle that the last two nights when I have been so wired, little monkey Elijah has slept badly, perhaps wired off the wired energy of my milk.  Funny, but not so funny when you long for sleep!!!  But still, this kind of practice makes you feel so clean, so energised and clean, and centred and grounded and balanced and present and all those wonderful things.  Like Aram and indeed Patthabi Jois says, it is all about the practice.  That is all you have to do, just show up and practice (and the turning up for many is the challenge).

I must admit that I was aching though, my muscles are not used to working so hard - strange now to think I practiced to that level every day for the 6.5 weeks of my teacher training in Byron Bay, wow, no wonder I felt to hug a tree each morning!  Still a swim in the sea and Epsom salt bath this evening should sort things out...well here is hoping!

So thank you again Aram, please do come back and perhaps bring Stewart too, it would be a delight.

With love, light and ever so much gratitude.

xx

Jill's tomato, vegetable and lentil soup

This is a super yummy soup that we enjoyed at the recent Reiki One Attunement Session, courtesy of my Mum.

Over to Mum...

I don't measure the ingredients exactly but I use 2 pans.  In one are just half an onion with chopped up tomatoes and in the other one is about the same volume of chopped vegetables.

So, ingredients:-

Pan 1

Assorted tomatoes - or whatever you have got, chopped very roughly.

1/2 large onion peeled and chopped.
A little olive, veg or sunflower oil

 Pan 2

Your choice of:-

Carrot

Parsnip

Courgette

Celery

Sweetcorn      All chopped to uniform size, about little finger nail size

Calabrese

Sweet potato

Butternut squash

Etc....

1/2 large onion chopped and about 1/2 cup red lentils. A little olive, veg or sunflower oil. Vegetable stock - either home made or powder/cube etc. Large sprig or sprigs thyme.

So, in pan one, fry onion in oil until just going translucent, then tip in all roughly chopped tomatoes and simmer covered until tomatoes are really well cooked (about 20 mins).

Meanwhile in pan 2 fry onion in oil until translucent then tip in all 'hard' vegetables and enough vegetable stock to cover.  Simmer for about 10 mins and then tip in rest of veg, red lentils and sprigs of thyme.  Simmer for another 10 mins ensuring still covered by enough liquid.

At end of 20 mins of tomatoes simmering in pan 1, take off heat and blitz with wand blender until smooth.  Tip in contents of pan 2 (remove sprigs of thyme) and stir well.  Season with salt/pepper to taste.

Enjoy!

Healing

It has been some time since I last posted...in fact funnily enough it was just after the Reiki One attunement and just as we were beginning our 21 day cleansing period.  Phew, this some cleansing period, I am feeling it more this time than I have ever done previously, probably not helped by the unsettling nature of the recent full moons, which have well and truly shaken things up and thrown light on the shadow side...there is no more escaping.

Funny how you can be so unintentionally unaware of the fact that you have outgrown the life you have been living, so that it no longer fits.  I mean you know something isn't quite right, but you do not realise what it is, until the moon and Reiki and yoga help to make it clear, let alone the angels who are trying to get your attention along the way.

So the words that have appeared in my life these last few weeks have been alignment - no surprise that my neck has been out of alignment at the same time that my outer life is out of alignment with my inner truth - and nurture, or the need to nurture. And with that the realisation that we can continue to live as we are living, but it will not bring us the feelings of happiness, peace and security that we  are seeking.  It is a bit like that wonderful quote, "if you always do what you have always done, then you will always get what you have always gotten".

The process of change, or transformation then, is never easy, and the best thing is to get yourself out of the way.  Only that you have such a vested interest in the process that this is easier said than done.  I like to think that it is an uncasing, that a part of you is no longer needed, the old stuff, a layer can come off, but the coming off is the hard bit, because we have a habit of wanting to hold on.

So I have dig deep and been very fortunate to support the journey with some reflexology, acupuncture, Ayurveda, Reiki and chiropractor work, let alone my daily yoga practice and a powerful Vedic chanting session with  a visiting yoga session.  Plus of course the ears of some good and trusted friends.

So life has been a bit of a challenge this last few weeks not helped with the seasonal virus circulating the family - funny how this happens in Autumn, a release of all that phlegm and helping the transition from summer to autumn.  Elijah is still not sleeping more than 2-3 hours at a time at night either, and the collective 11 months of sleep deprivation does finally feel very heavy on my eyes and indeed spirit...but I am reminded that this too will pass.

It all sounds a little down and out, but really life is full of so many blessings - this healing is a blessing, even though it does not feel it at the time.  But really this is the joy of Reiki, and indeed yoga, but Reiki especially this time, that it helps to bring us closer to our truth, to align our inner and outer worlds, to empower us to make changes so that that which no longer serves us drops off, and so we may grow a little stronger and committed to the path.  And there is a lot of learning in the process - of healing, cells, energy, mind and body. 

I am hoping that the more we can all hold to the truth and to the light, the more this will help to balance the imbalance of darkness and light in this world.  There is so much darkness in the news these days and usually I try to ignore it, put my head in the sand, but it has been difficult to ignore, that I find it distressing, which actually serves no use either.  So I figure all I can do is pray and practice and chant and open my heart and smile and share light where I can and try and make myself a better person so that this can be a better world to live in.  All we can do is try.  And when we fall down, pick ourselves up and try again...and again...and again.

On that note I am off to bed...sleep is indeed the greatest cure of all.

With much love and light

Emma x

Scrummy raw and dairy, wheat and sugar free cheesecake, yum, yum!!

I finally made (well sort of finally made) this most scrummy raw food dairy-free, wheat-free and sugar-free cheesecake that my brother's girlfriend introduced to me in the summer.  Very easy to make, even for me, although Mum did take over as she gets very impatient with my efforts in the kitchen!!!

Yummy indeed.  Although I guess we should remember that while it is dairy, wheat and sugar free, it does contain a lot of fats and while these may be deemed "good" fats, they still put a lot of pressure on the liver (read Barbara Wren and her fabulous books on cellular awakening/into the light" for more on this) so save as a treat.

Happy making and eating!

x

Raw ‘Cheesecake’

Makes one 7” cheesecake

Crust

½ cup Brazil nuts
¼ cup almonds
¼ cup dessicated coconut
1 tablespoon cacao or carob powder (both hard to find in Gsy so used 85% plain choc)
Pinch salt
2 – 4 dates (stoned) – depending on size
1 teasp raw agave nectar or honey

Blitz in food processor until crumbly – the mixture should stick together when pressed between your fingers. If it doesn’t either add a little water or more honey. Press into bottom of 7” springform tin or similar container.

Filling

2 cups fresh or frozen fruit (the original recipe called for blueberries but I have also made it with mango and loganberries. I think apricots, nectarines etc would work as well)
1 cup cashews, finely ground
¼ cup + 2 tablespoons melted coconut oil
2 tablespoons melted cacao butter (hard to find in Gsy but internet gave good quality white chocolate as an dairy alternative or more coconut oil if non-dairy)
¼ cup raw agave nectar or honey
1 tablespoon lemon juice
Large pinch salt

Blitz in blender until smooth and creamy. Pour over the crust and chill until ready to serve.
Sauce - Optional
You could make a sauce to go with it using perhaps one cup of the same fruit and a small amount of honey – blitzed.

Decoration 

I have used some of the fruit to decorate the top i.e. whole blueberries on the blueberry one and sliced mango washed in lemon juice on the mango one etc.



It doesn’t take long to set and seems to keep for several days. However, keep in the fridge until just before serving as, because the coconut oil is the setting ‘agent’ it becomes less solid if allowed to get too warm.

Taking time out

It has been a while since I have last written here.  We have been away, taking a much needed time out, albeit much resistance on my part to taking time out, but a necessity I now realise!

Two weeks ago, I flew up to Edinburgh with Elijah for a little more than 48 hours to celebrate my best friend's 40th, which was fabulous but exhausting - travel with a baby on your own certainly brings a whole new perspective to travelling!!

So I cannot say I was relishing the idea of yet more travels with Elijah, and indeed Ewan, only a week later, more packing and unpacking and washing and organising and catching up with work and friends, and preparing for more time away and all that comes with this when you work for someone else and for yourself and have a cat and a house.

But anyway, we were going away regardless and despite my resistance - which is always an indication that whatever is happening is necessary - it was indeed all meant to be...

Initially we stayed with one of Elijah's spiritual parents in Brighton and enjoyed our first swim in the sea at Hove as well as much ramblings along the coast, easing us into our holiday, never easy to switch off, especially with WIFI available!!

From there we headed back to Gatwick on the train and flew to Geneva before another train to Neuchatal, where Ewan's Swiss family live.  Now I had it in my head that hereI could indulge in hours of yoga practice and catch up on all the work I have not yet done with websites and articles and manuals and information packs and all sorts of things that happen in the background with Beinspired. 

But alas, this was not meant to be as we were instead too busy entertaining Elijah and visiting family members and swimming in the Lake and walking instead.  I noticed myself getting a little wound up about this - which was an interesting observation, not least this conditioned need to always be "doing" but also the feeling of things not being as they should be.  Which is of course utter rubbish, because things areas they are meant to be - but more often than not, not how our ego wants them to be.

So I finally gave in to it and realised that this was indeed a necessary break, enforced then, because if you do not take time out like this, there is no space for integration, and this is essential, especially with one's spiritual practice.  You have to lettings settle.  A little like in a yoga practice itself (which of course, on the mat, is a reflection of one's life in any event) it is essential to rest and allow the effects of the practice to integrate into the cellular memory, to literally let things settle in.  So in our lives too, there is a need to allow things to settle and integrate.

And let's face it, what an amazing environment within which to allow this to happen - Switzerland, with all that clean living and clean air, wow, it is quite amazing, the resonance that is with all the greens and blues and the huge Lake.  Ewan and I were fortunate to swim the Lake each day too, it felt like swimming in silk after the coarseness of swimming the sea all summer.  I found it healing, truly.  And while Elijah slept poorly, which meant we had very little sleep, I felt energised just by being in this environment.

On our last evening we walked in the most glorious forest,  before visiting family for pre-dinner drinks and here we were treated to marvellous views of the Alpes, which always helps to put things into perspective - what marvellous mountains, majestic, powerful, steadfast.  Amazing.  See, it is all about timing.  A million times thank you to the Swiss family and Auntie Anne in particular for such fabulous hospitality and introduction to Swiss living.

My time in Switzerland was interesting though, because on the one hand the healing and integration and feeling of being held and healed and energised by nature like this (and very lovely people and yummy seasonal foods) and my interest (for want of a better word) in the current chaos of the world and in particular the actions of the extremists in Syria and Iraq.  As fear worked its way out of me - the effects of the Ayurvedic herbs I have been taking and the opportunity for this release and integration - I could feel the fear that these people are creating through their barbaric actions and hatred.

And this has led me to wonder really what is going on in this world.  Which is fitting in rather well with where I find myself now, here in London, attending a (so far) fabulous yoga workshop with the West's leading authority on the Chakras, Anodea Judith, who believes that we are transitioning from a world in which we love to have power, to a world which is powered by love...

So perhaps the world is going through the healing crisis that will enable this enlightening...

Let's see.  I have two more days of the course to gain more understanding/awareness of this.

On that note, time to go and get myself ready.

Keep well.

Love and light

x

Yummy immune boosting soup for the seasonal transition

So here we are, September, and with that the hint of autumn in the air.  The summer has simply flown by but what a wonderful one it was this year with all the visitors and Elijah's naming ceremony and beach days and swims in the sea.  We are very blessed and indeed lucky to live on an Island like this.

There is a certain heaviness that comes with letting all this go and welcoming in the new beginnings that autumn brings.  You have to let go to let in.  And today the children return to school and we are back into the usual routine with peak traffic, and the nights drawing in.

Plus of course there will be the usual seasonal cold and sniffles circulating, the change in season often brings this, and especially the transition from summer to autumn, as if it is clearing you out from the inside, and releasing all that excess phlegm!

I crave soup at this time of year, packed full of vitamins and minerals to support and help boost the immune system.  Now I am sure I have probably shared this before but it truly is yummy and everyone should have a stash in their freezer for when they are feeling energetically challenged.  Admittedly the photo does it no justice - I challenge even the best of food photographers to make this look yummy by photograph!!!

Immune boosting soup

3 cups of sweet potato cut into cubes
1 leek
2tsp cooking oil
1 garlic glove minced
1 tbsp. grated ginger
1.5 ltrs of vegetable stock
1 medium broccoli head, small florets and thin stalks of tender stalk
2 cups of seasonal leafy greens such as kale or spinach
1/2 cup cashew nuts (I often leave this out)
1 tsp sea salt
1/4 large bunch flat leaf parsley (if using curly parsley add more)
fresh cracked peppercorns
high quality extra virgin oil

Pre heat oven to 200 degrees Celcius

Toss the sweet potato in oil to coat, place on a roasting tray and roast for 25-30 minutes, or until the potato is tender inside and golden outside.

In a large, heavy-based saucepan sauté the leek in cooking oil for 8-10 minutes or until soft and golden. Add the garlic and ginger; sauté another 2 minutes. Next add the stock, dislodging any brown bits at the bottom. Add the broccoli pieces, leafy greens, roasted sweet potato (whenever it is ready, it can be added later if necessary), cashews and salt. Simmer covered for 15-20 minutes or until the vegetables are tender. Add 3/4 of the chopped parsley (it will cook almost instantly in hot soup).

Turn off the heat and purée the soup either with a hand held blender or a food processor. Reheat, then mix in a few grinds of peppercorn and taste for seasoning. Garnish each serving with the remaining fresh parsley and a glug of olive oil.

Enjoy!

x

Yummy and energising chocolate fridge cakes

These are just amazing...healthy...and yet kind of amazing to think that we can have "healthy" bars like this, still compared to Cadbury's...

I am told by Medicinal Chef (Dale Pinnock) that these bars are good for preventing depression and stress, high blood pressure and high cholesterol and constipation...

Fabulous fridge cakes are sweet, delicious ad so dense in nutrients that one of these (or two in my case) will keep you going for hours.  They are super yummy and I am eternally grateful to my Mum who makes them regularly for Ewan and I!

Makes 8 pieces
8 tablespoons mixed seeds (such as flax, pumpkin, sesame or sunflower)
3 handfuls of goji berries
1 handful pitted dates
4 tablespoons cacao powder
1 teaspoon desiccated coconut
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
4 tablespoons coconut oil
1 tablespoon nuts, such as brazil nuts chopped
1 tablespoon dried fruits, such as dried apricots or cranberries, chopped.

How to make

Okay so place all the ingredients except the coconut oil, nuts and dried fruit in a food processor, reserving about 1 tablespoon of the seeds and goji berries, and pulse a few times to start creating a stiff, coarse mixture.

Place the coconut oil in a heatproof bowl, then sit the bowl in some freshly boiled water. The oil will melt in a matter of seconds.  Add the melted oil to the rest of the ingredients in the food processor. Process the ingredients at full speed until they have combined thoroughly into a firm paste.

Line a 20cm rectangular cake tin with baking parchment, turn the mixture into the tin and press down firmly to completely fill it. Sprinkle the reserved seeds and goji berries over the top., along with the chopped nuts and fruits, press down lightly. Place in the fridge for 3 hours, or until set firm. Slice into about 8 even pieces.

And then enjoy!!!

xxx

The nature of relationships

I have just read the most fascinating book by Stephen Cope called "Yoga and the Quest for the True Self", which has so many pages I would like to share with others, but this bit is particularly interesting.  Quite a few times recently I have found myself talking to people about relationships - are they here for a season, a reason or a lifetime?  Obviously there is far more to it than that, we are mirrors after all, and I like what Stephen writes about this...

"Freud's most brilliant work was in discovering how to bring observing ego to these areas of unconsciousness. Over the course of his career, he explored three different strategies to accomplish this. His first strategy was to work directly with memories of traumatic events that had been "forgotten" or repressed. he understood these "forgotten" areas to be pivotal to curing neurotic symptoms.  Freud found that he could, to some extent, open these areas of repression through the use of hypnosis, which bypassed the ordinary defences and brought the repressed material into awareness. This dramatic early psychoanalytic work of Freud is still locked into our contemporary cultural imagination, through a whole host of novels and films. Many of us are still think of psychotherapy as the process of searching for that one crucial memory that will unlock the puzzle of our lives. In fact Freud's thinking evolved far beyond this stereotype.

Freud soon found that the defensive structure of the self offered a formidable amount of resistance to his direct probing, and he moved on to explore other techniques for penetrating the unconscious. His next explorations were with the use of free association, dreams, and slips of the tongue, working with the very language through which the unconscious communicates. Instead of assaulting defences directly, through hypnosis, he found that he could wait for the unconscious to reveal itself.  This strategy proved to be extremely effective. It also, however, proved to have its limitations...

...There are certain aspects of our experience, then - usually the most painful and conflicted - that can only be seen within the field of relationship. Indeed, they don't exist only within us, but within the relational fields we create. When we carry a heavy load of repressed, hidden, and unintegrated experience, we are constantly seeking out relationships that will help us hold this experience, to reveal it in the actual dramas if our lives, and, hopefully, eventually to bring it to a more successful conclusion - to heal it. Much of our manoeuvring in and out of relationships is driven by these very needs - strivings for wholeness and completion that are for the most part completely out of our awareness.

Freud unwittingly made an important contribution to our contemporary understanding of witness consciousness. He saw that consciousness is sometimes a "third force", the creative product of two individual awarenesses working together to understand and integrate experience.

Matthew Arnold makes precisely the same point in his poem The Buried Life in which he attempts to wrestle with precisely those "hidden" incognito aspects of the self.  In Arnold's rendering, the voices of the "buried life" only reveal themselves with utmost clarity when opened to the consciousness of a loved other...

...It is a point that mariners and explorers of all kinds discovered: reality must be, in a sense, triangulated. It takes two sets of eyes, not just one, to accurately locate the third point in space. The "third", becomes a powerful still point, constructed out of the interaction of two minds and hearts.

This really does help to explain the nature of the "mirrored" aspect of relationships, and the comings and goings and the various encounters we have during our lives.  Really it is a rather fascinating world in which we live!

x

What a beautiful summer we are having

What a full moon - we really are supported by the Universe, even if it doesn't feel like in the midst of life's challenges.

Only a few weeks ago I realised that it had taken me a whole 8 months or so to fit into my new role as a mother, and another few weeks on top of that to realise that of all the people in the world, my little boy and his Dad should be the ones I serve the most.

I knew something was going on, because I have noticed over the years that I have been working on myself, that before every new realisation comes the breakdown of the old and with that a dying of the part of the ego that holds on so tightly.  It is hard work at the time though, because you are right in the middle of it and cannot see the wood for the trees and have no idea what is happening, only that something isn't quite right and there are lots of tears.

And then something comes to mind and then there are signs everywhere - in my case last week, an article in a magazine that my Mum handed to me, the words of wisdom of a yoga teacher at a class at Indaba Yoga in London, a studio I have not visited and a teacher I have not met previously, the chapter of a book I have been reading and the arrival of a wonderful Jivamukti DVD (with transformative in the title, funny that!).  Funny too how these things come together at once - it is true that the angels leave signs all over the place, you just have to notice them (and I probably missed a few!).

So I have now come through the other side, so that there is clarity about the niggling sense that something was afoot and with that a change, that seems rather natural now (and yet how I have fought it that last few months, despite praying for it!).  You see this is the problem - us, we are the problem, sometimes we don't know when to get out of our own way.  So desperate are we to control a situation or try and create an outcome that we don't allow grace to enter...the Universe works in much more fluid and magical ways that we can ever imagine (and that really is the problem, we think too much!).

We loved London last weekend.  It was my parents' treat, and for Mum and I especially as we got to go and watch the Mariinsky Ballet's rendition of Swan Lake at the Royal Opera House in Covent Garden.  Wow.  Such a joy to witness such grace in action, and such poise and strength and stability and balance and patience.  I am in awe if these ballerinas.  Incredible. 

We did some other cool stuff, we walked from Regent's Park along the Canal to Little Venice and then took the boat back along the canal to Camden. I have visited Camden a ton of times but this was my Mum's first visit and as a shopper she showed me a whole new side to this wonderful place, wow, it really is a shopper's heaven (it made me into a shopper, albeit for 40 minutes!).

I managed a Yoga class at Indaba Yoga studio in Marylebone, a first for me in both studio and location, and indeed teacher, Erik, a Jivamukt teacher.  I just LOVE Jivamukti and Erik is wonderful, such great adjustments and practice, so that I was present in my body and in the moment, it is true that the body offers a gateway to the soul, I floated out and enjoyed a much needed lunch with the family in the wonderful le Pain Quotidien in Marylebone (this chain of eatery is wonderful, just love the green juice and the goat's cheese salad, let alone the chocolate brownie!!).

We walked a ton too, I just love this about London, that you get to walk so much and see so much in the process.  And one of the highlights was spotting my first Banksy (Ewan LOVES Banksy) before Ewan, in its original state, just literally opposite our lovely hotel in the City, just amazing, Ewan was fairly happy too!!!

Back here in Guernsey life has been action packed, as the realisation tried to break through, we managed Elijah's 8th trip to Herm since he was born, with my friend Jo who was visiting from the UK.  I lived with Jo at Uni for 3 years and while I have not seen her for about 4 years it felt like only yesterday - true what they say that friends come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime!  Strangely one of our other Uni housemates gave birth to her first child while Jo was visiting - congrats to KTQ and Sim on the birth of Roan Finn.

We have swam in the sea a lot too.  It is so warm, just amazing, so good for the soul.  We have walked on the cliffs as well - nothing like spending time in nature to process whatever is going on in your life - those cliffs work it out of you!  We went for swim down at Divette with Jo, a first with me, so too a swim at Albecq this evening,.  What a blessed life living in such a beautiful place like Guernsey, I am eternally grateful.

And now, well the realisations find me working with Elijah and Ewan to finally attempt to establish a routine, something I have been fighting from day one, and yet now find myself very much enjoying, so grounding, I hadn't realised.  The added bonus that Elijah sleeps better, what a revelation.  See, should have gotten out of my own way.  It is all very well praying for change, trouble is you have to change to allow the change to happen - it comes back to that fabulous quote, "if you have always done what you always do then you will always get what you always got".  Ha, of course!!

So on that note I am off to bed and taking a much needed two weeks off to spend time with the family, to practice Jivamukti yoga and to allow the dust to settle - oh and to get in the sea and down the beach as much as possible!

Om shanti.

Much love, gratitude and light

xxx

Elijah's Naming Ceremony

 

Elijah's Naming Ceremony was just wonderful.  Neither Ewan nor I are religious so a christening was never going to be an option for us, but we wanted to do something to celebrate Elijah's arrival into the world, and to acknowledge his name and plant a tree, with my placenta, in his honour.  So a Pagan Naming Ceremony seemed like an ideal opportunity to do this, at home, in the garden and with our family and friends.

What a day!!  We had experienced seemingly endless sunny days only to find that the weather was due to be rather rubbish the morning of the Ceremony.  In fact there was not only torrential rain but also hail and thunder, which is quite some weather to experience in the middle of summer when you are about to be named!  We were obsessed with the weather that morning, we even sourced satellite images in the vain hope that the rain would pass.

Which it did, fortunately, about 10 minutes before our first guests arrived!!  We had about 60 guests in total and we live in a small cottage, so it could have been a little interesting if the rain had continued!  Still, luck was on our side and the afternoon was glorious, bright sunshine so that we forgot all about the earlier rain!

My Dad led the Naming Ceremony, which found three of the four spiritual parents reading poems, while the fourth one helped Ewan to plant the tree - a Sorbus, chosen because it produces lovely white berries in the late Autumn (Elijah is a late Autumn baby) and flowers in May - me explaining the reason we chose the name Elijah and Ewan leading the actual ceremony itself, which went a little like this...

Ewan says:

We gather today to bless a child,
A new life that has become part of our world.
We gather today to name this child.
To call a thing by name is to give it power,
and so today we shall give this child a gift.
We will welcome him into our hearts and lives
and bless him with a name of his own.

The parents turn to the guests, and say:

To be a parent is to love and nurture,
to lead a child to be a good person.
It is to guide them along the right path
and to both teach them and learn from them.
It is to rein them in, and to give them wings.
It is to smile at their joy, and weep at their pain.
It is to walk beside them, and then one day allow them to walk alone.
To be a parent is a great gift we have given ourselves.
and the greatest responsibility we shall ever have.

Ewan then turns to the appointed spiritual parents, and asks:

You stand beside us, for the love of this child.

Do you know what it is to be a child's spiritual parents?

The spiritual parents should answer:

It is to love and nurture,

to show guidance and counsel.
It is to help the child make choices
should he need assistance.
It is to be a second mother and father
and to be there when called upon.

Ewan says, while Emma anoints oil on Elijah’s forehead

May the gods keep this child pure and perfect,
and let anything that is negative stay far beyond his world.

May you always have good fortune,
may you always have good health,
may you always be joyful,
and may you always have love in your heart.

You are known to the gods and to us as Elijah Iain McInnes
This is your name, and it is powerful.
Bear your name with honor, and may the gods bless you on this and every day.

I honor you, Elijah Iain McInnes

The spiritual parents should then say:

Welcome, Elijah Iain McInnes to our family and to our hearts.
Your parents love you, and we thank them
for giving you the gift of life.
We ask the Gods to watch over you, Elijah Iain McInnes
and over your mother and father,
and we wish your family love and light.

Finally, the parents may hold the baby up to the sky (hold on tight!) so that the Gods can get a good look at the new child.

Really it was so lovely, especially the blessing that my Mum read right at the end of the ceremony:

"May the strength of the wind and the light of the sun, The softness of the rain and the mystery of the moon Reach you and fill you. May beauty delight you and happiness uplift you, May wonder fulfil you and love surround you. May your step be steady and your arm be strong, May your heart be peaceful and your word be true. May you seek to learn, may you learn to live, May you live to love, and may you love always."

We asked everyone to think of what they wish for Elijah and to write it on a label to hang on his tree, he now has a collection of lots of inspiring words from our friends and families - my Mum takes credit for that idea!

 

As for the name, well we had a feeling from the very beginning of the pregnancy that we were having a boy and I knew from the very beginning that I wanted to call my son Elijah.  It seemed appropriate somehow.   I didn’t have to persuade Ewan as such, he did look at other names but agreed that Elijah was the one, especially as we also agreed to follow it with Iain, in honour of Ewan’s Dad who is sadly no longer with us.

As for the name Elijah, well there is a reason for the name resonating with us other than simply the fact we like names beginning with E!  You see Elijah was a Prophet from the Book of Kings in the Old Testament who we understand performed miracles and was a miracle himself.  And while we appreciate that all babies are miracles, we felt that Elijah really was a miracle because for one reason or another we had to have IVF and Elijah was conceived on our first attempt.  This was even more of a miracle because at the same time we were going through the process in the UK, Ewan put his back out and on the night following implantation I spent a long evening with Ewan in Southampton A&E as he was checked out for the second time on the trip – not quite the chilling out in the hotel room that the clinic had suggested!

Furthermore as it turned out I ended up with full grade placenta previa, which means that the placenta blocked Elijah’s entrance into the world and if he had been born naturally and before the time of scanning, me, Elijah or both of us would have died.

So you see really he made it against the odds. There is a 20% success rate for women of my age using IVF becoming pregnant on the first try, and there is a 1 in 1,000 chance of grade 4 placenta previa (which is the most severe) but he stuck in there until my planned c-section date despite all those crazy Yoga positions (or perhaps because of all those crazy Yoga positions!)!

The name itself means The Lord is my God, and Elijah is our little  Buddha that is for sure, he likes his food and is a shining light in our lives and we are delighted to welcome him into this world, our little pickle, Elijah Iain McInnes.

 

 

 

And then the party!  My Mum and brother put together a wonderful salad buffet, which everyone enjoyed in the sunshine with champagne and laughter helping to create happy memories.

I was blown away by all the support - it is no easy feat entertaining about 60 people in your home when you have an 8 month old, now that was  a shock, and I am quite sure we could not have done it without all the help - especially from my parents and my brother and Star.  I was blown away by all our visitors too, spiritual mamma, Hannah, came all the way from New York and two of the spiritual men came from the UK and my brother all the way from Oz, my cousin from UK and Ewan's aunt from Switzerland, with my cousin Nick taking professional photos, what a lucky boy Elijah is, all that love surrounding him on his special day.

Elijah Iain McInnes, I love you, my miracle baby xx

With so much gratitude to everyone for such a magical day, many happy memories were made.

xxxx